I’m impressed by Katie Hill’s act of selfless courage. In the midst of a crisis in her personal life, she’s thinking only of others. Her resignation from Congress has nothing to do with graphic evidence of her sin being made public but is motivated by the sincere belief that it’s best for the country. She knows that America suffers when our leaders operate with the moral convictions of pigs.

Of course, I’m talking about her husband. A man so twisted and evil that he exposed Hill’s twisted evil. A man so devoid of morals that he publicized his wife’s immorality. If it weren’t for this man’s wretchedness, Katie Hill’s wretchedness would be safely hidden and I wouldn’t be in turmoil today.

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m overwhelmed by sympathy for poor Katie Hill. I’m outraged that a woman who has worked so hard to achieve so much isn’t afforded absolute autonomy to behave as she sees fit. I’m outraged that she must operate under the same rules of ethics as me. I’m furious that this noble, empowered woman is still struggling against an oppressive man. Damn the patriarchy!

I know Katie is a fighter (cause that’s what she told me) and she’s going to defeat this type of exploitation. She will battle to ensure that countless women and girls are able to enter public office without the fear that their personal behavior will have consequences. No longer will evil men be allowed to use the actions of evil women against them. It’s time for the country to loose the shackles of integrity from the ankles of female public servants.

Hopefully I will live to see the day when women run the country with complete impunity. As women are incapable of sin, there will be no more corruption. No more fear of “what might come next” because every act is motivated by pure righteousness. God speed, Katie Hill.