Two muffins (Banana and Blueberry) were having a conversation.*

Banana: How do you think we got here, Blueberry?

B-Berry: Huh?

Banana: You and me. How’d we get here?

B-Berry: We’re evolved from batter.

Banana: Oh.

*both muffins fall silent*

Banana: What’s ‘batter’?

B-Berry: It’s a soupy mixture of all the stuff that makes muffins.

Banana: Where does it come from?

*Blueberry laughs heartily*

B-Berry: Batter always existed. It didn’t come from anywhere.

*Potato Cake pipes up*

P-Cake: False! Batter is created.

Banana: Who said that?

B-Berry: And it’s rude to eavesdrop!

P-Cake: Batter comes from the Baker.

Banana: What’s a Bak…

B-Berry: (interrupting) The baker is an imaginary, magical being created to help mini-muffins sleep better.

Banana: You mean, like an invisible pastry?

P-Cake: It’s nothing like a pastry. The baker is a ‘person’.

Banana: …so you mean…a ‘super pastry’?

P-Cake: The baker built this entire kitchen and everything in it.

B-Berry: So where is this ‘baker’?  I can’t see him.

Banana: Well, we don’t have eyes…

B-Berry: (testily) I mean I can’t detect him!

P-Cake: I had eyes when I was a potato. I saw the baker! He lives outside the kitchen. You can’t see him or hear him or feel him.

B-Berry: You’re just trying to manipulate us! You want to take our money!

P-Cake: …you don’t have any money…

B-Berry: Ha Ha!  There is nothing outside the kitchen you silly waffle wannabe!

P-Cake: The baker made you.

B-Berry: Yeah? How, smart guy?

P-Cake: It’s hard to describe because it involves arms, mixing bowls, ovens and…

B-Berry: Blah, blah, magic…blah, blah, superstition…

P-Cake: The Baker is greater than muffins. He’s even greater than cheesecake!

B-Berry: There’s nothing greater than muffins!

*Cornbread huffs angrily*

Banana: What is cheesecake? …and…what is ‘arms’?

B-Berry: They’re like cupcake wrappers! Now shut up, Banana!

P-Cake: If there were no Baker, there would be no muffins.

B-Berry: We don’t need a Baker to explain muffins! You’re attaching an unnecessary level of complexity!

Banana: You mean like cheesecake?

*Blueberry shouts* (Something muffins only do when they’re upset.)

B-Berry: The laws of physics are all that’s necessary to make muffins!

P-Cake: Actually, you need a few ingredients…

B-Berry: WHICH ALSO COME FROM PHYSICS!

P-Cake: …er..no…they don’t.

B-Berry:  Science! Science explains it all!  There is no such thing as a Baker!

Banana: Yeah! Tell him, B-Berry! …now do I get cheesecake?

P-Cake: …sigh…y’all have yeast for brains.

—–

* I am fully aware of the many inconsistencies peppering this melodrama. No bread products have the capacity for rational thought. Although potatoes are said to have ‘eyes’ they are completely sightless. And no data exists to support the idea that cheesecake is superior to any other dessert item (though it clearly is). The atheistic worldview of represented is purely satirical and not intended to be offensive to either muffins or blueberries. The author acknowledges that the philosophical musings of any foodstuff are superior to atheism.