Do you need your brain in a church service?
How about the Bible?
Is that necessary in a church service?
Someone shared a presentation with me recently.
Depending on your definition of the word, you might call it a sermon.
I’ve transcribed it below.
Tonight, I’m gonna be preaching about receiving the blessing.
So how many of you guys know what an umbrella does?
It blocks the rain from touching you.
How many of you guys know what a funnel does?
It receives the rain.
And the rain is the blessing.
And how many people in here want some blessings?
You can count my foot in too!*
*Foot raised in order to be counted to receive blessing.
To recap: Umbrellas block rain. Funnels receive rain. Rain is blessings.
Moving on…
Like in 1 Kings 18:41
It says, I hear the abundance of rain!
I hear the abundance of rain!
I hear the abundance of rain!
The rain won’t stop until you receive it.
The rain won’t stop until you receive it.
1 Kings 18 does not contain the words ‘bless’ or ‘blessing’.
The rain in verse 41 comes after Elijah kills the prophets of Baal.
No mention of the rain continuing until it had been ‘received’.
Seems to me it would be difficult to ‘refuse’ the rain once it started falling.
Maybe because umbrellas did not yet exist.
Moving on…
Now, the other day I was at the pool.
And I was praying for my friend, my next door neighbor.
And I had my funnel open so I was receiving a lot of water.
So when I prayed for him, he started speaking in tongues.
I just went like, ‘Speak’ and he went
“Bradashakala ba ba! How do I stop this? Bradashakala ba ba!”
I’m like, “you can’t!”
“That’s when you start laying your hands on other people!”
“And saving them.”
“And bringing them into the Kingdom of God.”
1 Kings 18 does not contain the words ‘tongue’ or ‘tongues’.
The word ‘save’ is used…
…in reference to finding grass for the horses.
There is no reference to ‘laying hands’ on anyone…
…other than the prophets of Baal just before they were slaughtered.
I’ve never found a story in scripture where God takes away one person’s ability to control their speech because someone else prayed for them.
Normally, that kind of behavior is associated with a stroke.
Moving on…
And when you feel the presence of God, time goes by so fast.
You’re like, no, no, no, no, a little longer, please. Please!
But if you’re like, not enjoying this, you’ll be like, “Another hour, Oh my god!”
If you’re not digging the church service, then God is not with you.
This sentiment didn’t come from 1 Kings.
Open up that funnel!
Moving on…
In John 3:30
It says you need to…sorry I’m drunk right here…
You need to increase so Jesus can decrease
Whoa. Sorry. Other way around.
You need to decrease so he can increase!
C’mon!
John 3:30 is John telling his own disciples that Jesus is greatest.
John was humbly stepping aside to allow Christ to take the lead.
If you don’t know how this relates to ‘receiving a blessing’…
…you’re probably standing under your umbrella.
Moving on…
I know a lot of you guys want to be a funnel in here.
And here’s the thing.
If you don’t have your funnel open, then you can’t speak in tongues.
And if you can’t speak in tongues, how you gonna pray for people?
It probably goes without saying, but 1 Kings does not contain the word ‘funnel’.
It doesn’t contain the words ‘pray’ or ‘prayer’Â either.
Early it was suggested; ‘the rain won’t stop until you receive it’.
Yet if my funnel is closed, I won’t be able to speak in tongues.
…did the rain stop before I received my blessing?
If I can’t speak in tongues, how will I pray for people!
Maybe I’ll just pray in the spirit….
“And in like manner the Spirit also helpeth our infirmity: for we know not how to pray as we ought; but the Spirit himself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered; Â and he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” Â (Romans 8:26)
Or I could pray in English.
Last I checked, that is still a valid ‘tongue’.
There’s more but I’m skipping to the end…
Lord, I thank you that they’ll just receive tongues if they haven’t received it.
And I thank you that you’ll just start praying in tongues right now!
The devil can’t understand you, so he can’t interfere with you.
I know a lot of you guys need blessings in here.
New house. New Car. Jesus name!
I’ve got a question.
Is this a good sermon?
Does it demonstrate a firm understanding of scripture?
Does it reveal truth?
What’s your verdict?
.
.
.
What if it was a sermon delivered by a little girl?
Surprise!
Below is the video proof.
Be honest.
Did you watch the whole thing?
Do you think that little girl wrote the sermon herself?
Do you think that message was revealed to her by God from a simple reading of 1 Kings chapter 18?
Or do you think, maybe, she was coached?
I really love to hear kids talk about their faith.
It disturbs me when children are used as shills.
I’ve got no problem with sermons being emotional.
It disturbs me when emotion replaces content.
I can’t let you get away with distorting the word of God to support your personal doctrine…
…even if you’re just a kid.
 …”preach the word; be urgent in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure the sound doctrine; but, having itching ears, will heap to themselves teachers after their own lusts; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and turn aside unto fables.” (2 Timothy 4:2)
0 Responses
A little research helped me see that 1 Kings 18:41 seems to be a favorite passage for people to use and abuse. A few examples are linked below.
http://www.miraclevalleyarchives.org/subpage33.html
http://www.battlecreekchurch.com/home/180011666/180011666/180098931/Sound%20of%20Abundance%20of%20Rain.pdf
http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/3118
http://hgs.rccgnet.org/2003-october/the-sound-of-abundance-of-rain/index.hgs
http://dovecompanypublishing.org/propheticwords/chapter/for-i-hear-the-sound-of-abundance-of-rain/
https://billvirgin.com/2013/09/17/can-you-hear-the-sounds-of-the-abundance-of-rain/
Dave
You know, John, there is nothing new under the sun, just repacked heresies for a new age…
Funny that Dale above mentioned old Joel O … he actually has a twisting of the very same 1 Kings 18:41:
https://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Blog.aspx?blogid=8907
A little research helped me see that 1 Kings 18:41 seems to be a favorite passage for people to use and abuse. Google “I hear the abundance of rain”, and a plethora of sermons abusing the verse will appear, mixed with some decent ones.
Thanks, John, for writing this blog post and driving me to do some research and getting me into the Word. I know this was a tad lengthy, but I found great profit in the digging, and I pray others do as well.
Dave
To answer your questions…
“Is this a good sermon?” No.
“Does it demonstrate a firm understanding of Scripture?” Again, no.
“Do you think the little girl wrote the sermon herself?” No. She had help, either human or infernal.
“Do you think that message was revealed to her by God from a simple reading of 1 Kings chapter 18?” Impossible. God is not forked-tongued, and He doesn’t give us mystical meaning hidden in Scripture that He reveals to special people later.
“Or do you think, maybe, she was coached?” At the very least she was coached. It is likely that she saw others teach the same stuff and she is copying their words and style. Check this web page out, and see if anything sounds familiar. Note the Scripture references used at the end and one should look familiar.
http://www.pressreader.com/canada/moose-jaw-expresscom/20160720/281539405306017
Dave
To answer your questions…
“Is this a good sermon?” No.
“Does it demonstrate a firm understanding of Scripture?” Again, no.
“Do you think the little girl wrote the sermon herself?” No. She had help, either human or infernal.
“Do you think that message was revealed to her by God from a simple reading of 1 Kings chapter 18?” Impossible. God is not forked-tongued, and He doesn’t give us mystical meaning hidden in Scripture that He reveals to special people later.
“Or do you think, maybe, she was coached?” At the very least she was coached. It is likely that she saw others teach the same stuff and she is copying their words and style. Check this web page out, and see if anything sounds familiar. Note the Scripture references used at the end and one should look familiar.
http://www.pressreader.com/canada/moose-jaw-expresscom/20160720/281539405306017
You know, John, there is nothing new under the sun, just repacked heresies for a new age…
Funny that Dale above mentioned old Joel O … he actually has a twisting of the very same 1 Kings 18:41:
https://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Blog.aspx?blogid=8907
A little research helped me see that 1 Kings 18:41 seems to be a favorite passage for people to use and abuse. Google “I hear the abundance of rain”, and a plethora of sermons abusing the verse will appear, mixed with some decent ones.
Thanks, John, for writing this blog post and driving me to do some research and getting me into the Word. I know this was a tad lengthy, but I found great profit in the digging, and I pray others do as well.
Dave
To answer your questions…
“Is this a good sermon?” No.
“Does it demonstrate a firm understanding of Scripture?” Again, no.
“Do you think the little girl wrote the sermon herself?” No. She had help, either human or infernal.
“Do you think that message was revealed to her by God from a simple reading of 1 Kings chapter 18?” Impossible. God is not forked-tongued, and He doesn’t give us mystical meaning hidden in Scripture that He reveals to special people later.
“Or do you think, maybe, she was coached?” At the very least she was coached. It is likely that she saw others teach the same stuff and she is copying their words and style. Check this web page out, and see if anything sounds familiar. Note the Scripture references used at the end and one should look familiar.
http://www.pressreader.com/canada/moose-jaw-expresscom/20160720/281539405306017
———————-
You know, John, there is nothing new under the sun, just repacked heresies for a new age…
Funny that Dale above mentioned old Joel O … he actually has a twisting of the very same 1 Kings 18:41:
https://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Blog.aspx?blogid=8907
—————————————
A little research helped me see that 1 Kings 18:41 seems to be a favorite passage for people to use and abuse. Google “I hear the abundance of rain”, and a plethora of sermons abusing the verse will appear, mixed with some decent ones.
Thanks, John, for writing this blog post and driving me to do some research and getting me into the Word. I know this was a tad lengthy, but I found great profit in the digging, and I pray others do as well.
Dave
Makes me think of Matthew 18:6… and 1 Corinthians 14:19…
John, I agree with you wholeheartedly. We can’t sacrifice the truth of Scripture for anything. It pains me when people come up with something “new and exciting” and mutilate the Word of God to fit what they have come up with. The Bible has such clear teaching on what God has revealed to us and how we should live, and it takes a lifetime (and eternity!) to take it all in, let alone apply it…
I recall the old saying about interpreting Scripture from my Bible college days: “When the plain sense of Scripture makes common sense, seek no other sense.” To try to make 1 Kings 18:41 mean anything other than “God ending the famine and bringing rain” is to be in danger of inviting destruction upon yourself. So says Peter in 2 Peter 3, when he speaks of ignorant and unstable people twisting Paul’s writings, as they do the other Scriptures.
Pretty heavy stuff.
When I studied before I taught God’s Word, I often did so with fear and trembling (at least metaphorically), laboring to make sure I was teaching the plain truth without distortion on my part. I took seriously the fact that Scripture is God-breathed, and thought “Whoa unto me if I twist what He has said.” I don’t want to be guilty of mishandling God’s Word when I know better.
People who teach Scripture are judged more strictly than others (James 3:1), and for good reason.
And don’t even get me started on “The Purpose Driven Life”In the book, the word “purpose” was manhandled via the use of as many different Bible translations as it took to wrangle the Scripture into desired form.
We are to interpret Scripture in its context. What the author meant to his readers is what it still means today.
Dave
Makes me think of Matthew 18:6… and 1 Corinthians 14:19…
John, I agree with you wholeheartedly. We can’t sacrifice the truth of Scripture for anything. It pains me when people come up with something “new and exciting” and mutilate the Word of God to fit what they have come up with. The Bible has such clear teaching on what God has revealed to us and how we should live, and it takes a lifetime (and eternity!) to take it all in, let alone apply it…
I recall the old saying about interpreting Scripture from my Bible college days: “When the plain sense of Scripture makes common sense, seek no other sense.” To try to make 1 Kings 18:41 mean anything other than “God ending the famine and bringing rain” is to be in danger of inviting destruction upon yourself. So says Peter in 2 Peter 3, when he speaks of ignorant and unstable people twisting Paul’s writings, as they do the other Scriptures.
Pretty heavy stuff.
When I studied before I taught God’s Word, I often did so with fear and trembling (at least metaphorically), laboring to make sure I was teaching the plain truth without distortion on my part. I took seriously the fact that Scripture is God-breathed, and thought “Whoa unto me if I twist what He has said.” I don’t want to be guilty of mishandling God’s Word when I know better.
People who teach Scripture are judged more strictly than others (James 3:1), and for good reason.
And don’t even get me started on “The Purpose Driven Life”In the book, the word “purpose” was manhandled via the use of as many different Bible translations as it took to wrangle the Scripture into desired form.
We are to interpret Scripture in its context. What the author meant to his readers is what it still means today.
But to answer your questions…
“Is this a good sermon?” No.
“Does it demonstrate a firm understanding of Scripture?” Again, no.
“Do you think the little girl wrote the sermon herself?” No. She had help, either human or infernal.
“Do you think that message was revealed to her by God from a simple reading of 1 Kings chapter 18?” Impossible. God is not forked-tongued, and He doesn’t give us mystical meaning hidden in Scripture that He reveals to special people later.
“Or do you think, maybe, she was coached?” At the very least she was coached. It is likely that she saw others teach the same stuff and she is copying their words and style. Check this web page out, and see if anything sounds familiar. Note the Scripture references used at the end and one should look familiar.
http://www.pressreader.com/canada/moose-jaw-expresscom/20160720/281539405306017
———————-
You know, John, there is nothing new under the sun, just repacked heresies for a new age…
Funny that Dale above mentioned old Joel O … he actually has a twisting of the very same 1 Kings 18:41:
https://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Blog.aspx?blogid=8907
—————————————
A little research helped me see that 1 Kings 18:41 seems to be a favorite passage for people to use and abuse. A few examples are linked below.
http://www.miraclevalleyarchives.org/subpage33.html
http://www.battlecreekchurch.com/home/180011666/180011666/180098931/Sound%20of%20Abundance%20of%20Rain.pdf
http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/3118
http://hgs.rccgnet.org/2003-october/the-sound-of-abundance-of-rain/index.hgs
http://dovecompanypublishing.org/propheticwords/chapter/for-i-hear-the-sound-of-abundance-of-rain/
https://billvirgin.com/2013/09/17/can-you-hear-the-sounds-of-the-abundance-of-rain/
—————————–
That is enough of that…
Thanks, John, for writing this blog post and driving me to do some research and getting me into the Word. I know this was a tad lengthy, but I found great profit in the digging, and I pray others do as well.
Dave
I was surprised. I thought you were referring to someone who shall remain nameless but whose surname begins with O and ends with steen. Turns out she has a good excuse for the heresy, incoherency, illogic and biblical illiteracy in that she is just an ignorant child who no doubt had bad examples for preaching and was pushed beyond her abilities. But what is Joel’s excuse?