I started amassing pictures of the comments telling me I’m not funny. This is a collection that I expect will never be complete. There will always be new people discovering that I suck. The collection helps me remember that I’d be a miserable person if I took the words of strangers to heart. Empty words of criticism are fodder for mockery. The same is true of flattery.
If I gave any weight to flattering words, I’d be bankrupt. I would have spent all my money buying whatever product a skilled salesman was selling. The greatest salesmen are masters of telling sweet lies. According to these silver-tongued devils, purchasing their product makes me smarter than other people. Salemen get rich when I believe their flattery is truth.
I won’t start a collection of compliments. I don’t think flattery is as entertaining because it is not as sincere as insults.
Flattery attempts to convince me that only the most sophisticated, intelligent, and ethical people drink this beer, or drive that car, or live in this house, or donate to that charity, or wear those shoes, or own that NFT, or invest in this stock, or attend that church, or…think I’m funny.
The difference between flattery and compliments is sincerity. It is quite difficult to know whether or not a person is being sincere. That’s the reason flattery is such a powerful sales tactic. You don’t know whether or not the salesman is telling the truth. The unfortunate affect of flattery is that it makes me suspicious of compliments. It’s not your fault that I don’t believe you when you enthusiastically tell me I’m funny. My borderline cynicism is from enduring innumerable false compliments from liars.
“John, you jerk! It sounds like you’re telling me you don’t want compliments.” Excellent point! It does sound that, doesn’t it? Let me attempt to clarify. I’m eager to hear sincere compliments but I can’t tell sincerity from flattery without a gauge. I need some way to determine that you mean what you say. One way to let me know that you’re sincere is to make your compliment specific.
When you offer a compliment to someone (not just me), avoid generic statements like, “Good job!” Tell the person exactly what you appreciate about them. This requires more thoughtfulness than uttering a boilerplate compliment. Specific compliments communicate sincerity and carry more weight than flattery.
“Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception.”
(Psalm 12:2)
