photo of a turtle swimming underwater

There was a day when the medical experts recommended cutting sick people open and draining out the “bad blood.” They also bored holes in sick people’s skulls to let the evil spirits out. The health professionals would sometimes fill hospital rooms with smoke from burning sulfur.

There was no consensus. Some of the experts insisted that blood-letting would cure most diseases. Some experts disagreed. No matter which expert treated your illness, you would probably die. Medical experts have never discovered the cure for mortality.

The promise of medical experts is “longer life.” Life is defined as physically existing on the planet. Medical experts invented machines that can keep your body alive even after your brain shuts down. Your inert, unconscious body continues to process oxygen and excrete waste material.

Experts are telling us that the most effective method of extending your life is avoiding contact with other people. Just stay home. Don’t go near anyone who could be contagious (which is everyone).

This is the social equivalent of blood-letting. You can drain all human contact out of your life and reduce your chances of catching a disease to near zero. You could live many years in isolation, locked safely away from your infectious friends and family. When your goal is to exist as long as possible on Earth, it makes sense to go into a coma. Have the experts hook you to a machine that keeps your biological systems functioning. Stay alive!

I fully support your health related decisions. Follow the science. Stay home. Sanitize everything. Trust the experts. I’m going to leave you in peace.

When you see me frolicking outside your window in the sunshine with my family, please leave me alone.

“These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.”

– Deuteronomy 6:1

Christian Comedy for Hire

If you like my blog even a little bit, then you should know I do Christian Comedy live shows! It’s all the faith and fun you read here, but on stage, it’s even more hilarious. Hire me for your next corporate bash, church event, or school function, and let’s make it a night of laughs with my unique brand of Christian Comedy!

three little pigs

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs in Shakespeare is available as a children’s book. Get the illustrated story based on my viral comedy routine from Amazon.  Makes a great gift for the word-lovers in your life. 

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