People ask, “Why wasn’t Jesus born during modern times?”
The answer is:
Because Twitter.
Human beings can’t absorb information unless it’s in the form of a meme.
We think the truth is found in the flashiest videos.
And we won’t wait longer than 2 seconds for a download.
Jesus wouldn’t be heard over the noise of popular theologians.
The Son of God’s feed would say stuff like:
If you want to be my disciple you must deny yourself and take up your cross.
Meanwhile, famous Christian authors/speakers would tweet stuff like:
I declare you will be victorious- every trap of the enemy set against you will fail! In the name of Jesus you will fight and win!
Guess which one gets the most re-tweets.
Jesus would have fewer followers than Paula White.
We modern Christians have specific tastes in saviors.
We like the Jesus who doesn’t condemn adultery.
We ignore the Jesus who tells people to hate their mother and father.
When a dude asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life, he was told to keep the commandments and:
Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.
What do you think happened to that young man?
Do you assume he inherited heaven anyway?
Maybe Jesus was just being dramatic.
He followed up with, “Aw, shucks! Don’t worry about it. I’m not condemning anyone!”
That’s right, Jesus. Remember your place.
Get busy making me victorious.
When I make a decision, I want my savior to say, “Aw, shucks! That’s fine with me.”
“Aw, Shucks Jesus” is a wealth of positive Tweets.
“Aw, Shucks Jesus” doesn’t ruffle any feathers.
He’d be super-popular on social media.
And utterly worthless everywhere else.
As He was leaving on His journey, a man ran up and knelt before Him and asked Him, “Good Teacher [You who are essentially good and morally perfect], what shall I do to inherit eternal life [that is, eternal salvation in the Messiah’s kingdom]?” Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is [essentially] good [by nature] except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not testify falsely, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” And he replied to Him, “Teacher, I have [carefully] kept all these [commandments] since my youth.” Looking at him, Jesus felt a love (high regard, compassion) for him, and He said to him, “You lack one thing: go and sell all your property and give [the money] to the poor, and you will have [abundant] treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me [becoming My disciple, believing and trusting in Me and walking the same path of life that I walk].” But the man was saddened at Jesus’ words, and he left grieving, because he owned much property and had many possessions [which he treasured more than his relationship with God].
Mark 10:17
16 Responses
JB had done a great job in showing that Christians don’t agree and have no problem claiming each other aren’t Christians at all. The post’s topic reminds me of the line from my favorite rock opera
Now why’d You choose such a backward time
In such a strange land?
If You’d come today
You could have reached the whole nation
Israel in four BC had
No mass communication
Don’t get me wrong….
Thanks for the encouragement! I always try to do a “great job” and I appreciate your signaling my success.
You definitely have a way with words and it’s what a lot of society needs to hear. The world, Christians included in that world, are so quick to manipulate the Bible and say, “oh that’s not what Jesus meant”. There was an indecent where I quoted scripture and was told that my God is hateful. Now the person who said this to me was someone who claimed to believe in God and yet is very pro-abortion. I try asking her about whether a father scolding their child makes that father hateful. I found out that day that not only is she pro-abortion but also a man hater. I am constantly seeing people manipulate what the Bible truly says and it just makes my head hurt. I’m sure we’ve lost some of the real meaning with certain things as it was translated into English, but come on….WE CAN’T MAKE GOD’S WORD INTO ANYTHING WE WANT IT TO BE!!!!!
Thanks John. Love the comedy, love your rendition of the Three Little Pigs. I bought the book for my husband for Christmas last year. We love hearing you on Peach’s podcast…..jk
Thanks, Pkarlattagh.
I’m doing my level best to make contributions to the podcast that justify my continued participation.
Actually, we can make “God’s Word” into pretty much anything we want it to be, since Christians interpret it according to expediency; there’s no absolute consensus on precise meaning. Most importantly, no-one can demonstrate the Bible is their god’s word, but merely assert it.
Hence the divide between literalists and non-literalists, each one claiming to speak for the god of the Bible. No-one speaks for YHWH, only for their interpretation of said deity.
Didn’t rhyme.
Didn’t need to. I can make cogent arguments with or without rhymes.
Oh, wait: that didn’t rhyme, either.
I thought you were different. :/ But since you won’t defend your beliefs AND there’s nothing that distinguishes you from other trolls (like poetry), I guess there’s no reason to continue…
Are you finished rhyming for me?
Is this where we’ll be partin’?
Fine, suit yourself. End repartee.
But say hello to Spartan!
😘
Join the discussion… Karlatta, I was a Christian at one point, and I’ve seen Christians insist each other is wrong repeatedly. The problem is that none of you can show that you are the TrueChristians and that your interpretation of the bible is the only right one; you can’t even do the acts promised at the end of Mark. And I do wonder what you think of your god since it says it’s okay to murder children, and itself murdered David’s son for the actions of the child’s father. Is that fair? If you think someone is a “man hater” then what do you think of the order from your bible that women are not to speak in church and are never to be teachers of males? Would someone who wants that be a woman hater?
To clarify: Club means she went to church… But she can’t prove she was a Christian.
To clarify: since no-one seems to agree on what exactly defines a Christian, Sarah’s comment is redundant.
Glad we agree.
In the future you Atheists should be careful make claims you can’t back up. 😊
What knowledge do you rely on and have faith in, gives you the impression you know what is fair and what you say God did was wrong?
One demonstrates they are a follower of Christ by actually following Him. Many will say “Lord, Lord!” but few will actually KNOW Him.
You say you were a “Christian” at one point but now you aren’t. I submit if you really were a follower of Christ, you would not be able to deny the truth.
You are no better than the “Christian” hypocrites you judge.
You’ve merely indicated that you’re a fundamentalist Christian. What about all the other kinds?
And generally most people don’t so casually sling around loaded, subjective terms like “truth” these days. It’s another word that no-one seems to be able to agree on.
“Jesus would have fewer followers than Paula White.”
“…super-popular…”
“And utterly worthless everywhere else.”
Bwahahaha!!!
Using humor to point out deep, convicting truths is genius.
Thank you for making my Monday!