The Great Governor of Indiana, Eric J. Holcomb (blessings be upon him) has decreed that masks must be worn in all public places in order to stop diseases from spreading and ultimately save lives. This is excellent news for people wanting an excuse to skip church. I am one of those people and will eagerly explain how the government’s relentless oppression has set me free!

I wasn’t always an enthusiastic supporter of the government mucking around with church activity. It worried me when the State dictated the size of church gatherings and forbid things like shaking hands and singing. It seemed kind of dystopian. But then I started hearing from church leaders about Romans 13 and I warmed up to the idea of godless leaders telling Christians how to practice our faith.

Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

Romans 13

At first, I protested the use of Romans 13 as justification for drastically altering church policies. Gathering privately for worship is not an act of evil that demands government oversight. Actually, there is some pesky wording in the Constitution that kind of makes it illegal for authorities to tamper with the free expression of religion. I suggested that Romans 13 does apply to the people who gather publicly for no purpose other than setting fires, looting businesses, and destroying property. Those are hard core evil doers who ought to worry about government authority. But as I was about to ask how the church can justify tax exemption when Romans 13 clearly says to pay taxes – I had an epiphany.

I don’t like Sunday morning services!

My Governor has given me a gift. I have a reason to skip church! No more monotonous, theologically askew choruses. No more awkward “greet your neighbor” moments. And no more jejune, irrelevant sermons. Sunday mornings are for sleeping in!

The best part is, playing hooky on Sunday morning makes me righteous! Every week that my name is missing from the attendance roster, I get credit for loving my neighbor. PLUS – I’m applauded for humbly following Romans 13, even by people who aren’t following it themselves! I’m embarrassed it took so long to figure this out!

I feel sheepish about investing energy into a cause I don’t actually believe in. I was fighting to keep the church doors open on Sunday morning against the wishes of my heart. My heart was telling me to stay home on Sunday. My head was the problem.

My head knew that the command to love my neighbor requires more from me than social distancing. It was my head that kept me attending Sunday services even when I “wasn’t getting anything out of it.” When my heart told me to cut ties, my head told me to stay put. So I set my alarm, got out of bed, and slogged into worship service week after week after week.

Now, thanks to Governor Eric J. Holcomb and some outspoken, pantywaist church leaders, I am free to follow my heart. My thoughtful convictions don’t matter. The authorities over me, both state AND church, are telling me that skipping the assembly is the most loving, righteous thing to do.

And I could not be happier!

Every cloud has a silver lining and the church’s refusal to stand up to tyranny means I get my Sundays back.