John 16: 33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
With the expectation of hardship and tribulation, I want to ask you a favor.
Please don’t wish me a Happy New Year. It creates a couple of problems and 2021 looks like it’s already going to have a few problems.
First…
Telling me to have a Happy New Year will make it awkward for many people who try to end a conversation with me throughout the year.
Every time someone tells me to, “Have a nice day!” I’ll be forced to say, “I’m already covered. My whole year is ‘Happy’ so a ‘Nice Day’ is a bit of a downgrade. I know you meant well but I don’t want to trade ‘Happiness’ for a non-specific ‘Niceness’ Please pick another way of saying ‘Goodbye.’
(Have a nice day is always the last thing said. It’s never the opening statement. Your dentist doesn’t walk up while you’re reclined in his chair and say, “Have a Nice Day! Now, open up and let’s get those wisdom teeth pulled!”)
The other reason I don’t want to be wished a Happy New Year is – It’s too much.
I appreciate the sentiment but you’re overwhelming me.
All those days. (365)
Hours! (8760)
…MINUTES!!! (525,600)
My planning system is inadequate to guarantee happiness for over half a million consecutive minutes.
I don’t want to let you down. Don’t want an awkward conversation in June.
“How you doing this year?”
I’ve failed!
I know you commanded me to be happy.
And I tried…
Heaven knows I tried…
And I followed your orders until March. Then, I just couldn’t be happy! I had a day of indifference. I was, kind of apathetic. I wasn’t sad! It wasn’t depression, mind you, but I can’t honestly call it happiness.
I’m sorry.
I just can’t sustain happiness for an entire year.
So maybe wish me an ‘Apathy New Year’
That I can manage!
I could brag about my success.
Apathy New Year everybody!
That’s something we can live up to!
2 Responses
For your happiness, and to reduce stress and expectations, as per your wishes and emulating George Carlin: I will say: “Have a Crappy Year!”
Or, if you want some hope: “Have a moderately neato year”
I hope this helps to ease the pressure!
George Carlin “Have a Nice Day” – (badly) Censored
Well, John, ya see, I have fortunately found a way to maximize my potential for a any Nice Day or a Happy (ANY) Holiday. On the days that I feel that I may not succeed in either of these endeavors, I simply go to my laptop, rev up Youtube, and locate (easily) a new brother of mine who offers a Shakespearean-like rendition of the 3 Little Pigs. Since I practically have the routine memorized, I am now approaching his diction in an effort to be able to perform his exact presentation at parties, open houses, and Meetings of the Shriners. When I am thoroughly prepared for a performance, I will, of course, contact the brother to determine whether I am in danger of violating copywrite laws, or plagiarizing his valuable material. To date, I am endeavoring to master the “snort” (Timing is everything). I sincerely hope you recognize the perpetual joy that this project has provided me. Maybe YOU should try it.
Steve Solomon
Kyiv, Ukraine