Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage…”

My high school English teacher didn’t tell me that The Bard…

…was talking about Periscope.

Put this app on your phone and it’s always showtime!

You can broadcast every moment of your life!

Every dull, uninspired, insipid moment of your life!

Periscope is the high-tech equivalent to yelling…

…”Mommy watch me!  Mommy watch me!  Mommy watch me!…”

But in place of your beleaguered mother…

…are the online voyeurs whose own lives are so jam-packed with activity…

…they’re watching you make a sandwich.

It’s not narcissism!

You’ve got an amazing technique for spreading mayo.

…it should be shared with the world.

Do you know what keeps me entertained while I stand in line at the store?

…watching you sit in a traffic jam…

…singing along with the radio.

Heart! Heart! Heart!

And PLEASE…

…more footage of pets!

I so rarely get to see dogs and cats in real life.

Your video stream is the only reminder I have that cats chase laser pointers.

It’s like reality television!

If reality television had crappy audio and video…

And poor editing…

And bland characters…

I’m going to level with you…

…are you ready…?

Everything you do isn’t interesting.

In fact…

…MOST of what you do isn’t interesting.

That’s not a criticism!

Most of what I do isn’t interesting either.

Writing this article is dull.

Did you notice I didn’t Periscope myself typing it?

Drawing attention is easy.

Deserving it…not so much.