The so-called ‘Religious Freedom’ law was a mistake.
Probably.
I haven’t actually read it.
Most people haven’t read it but they’re very angry anyway.
Trust those instincts.
My reasoning is…
…if something you don’t know anything about
….makes you shake with rage
…it must be awful.
Apparently, the Indiana Governor realizes his mistake.
This morning, he fixed the problem.
Last night, on a dinner napkin, he wrote a new law.
This new law completely replaces the ‘Religious Freedom Bill’.*
I think everyone is going to like it!
(By ‘everyone’, I mean people who only care about their own agenda.)
Henceforth (which means from now on) Indiana will be a State where religion of any kind will be tolerated so long as it doesn’t affect the behavior of our citizens. If you run a business, you gotta do whatever your customer tells you to do. If a customer request offends you, just suck it up! Nobody likes a cry-baby. The customer is always right in Indiana! Here are a few examples of how this law applies:
- Fireworks companies must oblige requests for burning crosses at KKK rallies
- Restaurants must serve everyone whether they have shoes, shirts, pants, etc. Naked people are welcome to dine.
- Anyone can get married anywhere they want. Period.
- Labor Unions must be disbanded in any business where a customer requests it.
- Gen Con attendees can pay whatever they think is fair at restaurants during the convention. We love you Gen Con! Please don’t leave!
- Attendees at Gen Con can pay whatever they think is fair to attend the convention.
- Homeless people may congregate wherever they want for as long as they want.
- Any customer who feels discriminated against, for any reason, will be given a crisp, new hundred dollar bill by the offending business. No questions asked.
The Indiana Congress is troubled by how upset the LGBT community felt about the ‘Religious Freedom Bill’ so here’s an ‘olive branch’ special provision: Homosexuals get a 10% discount at all businesses in Indiana. There will be a ‘Discrimination Tax’ levied on any business that fails to include the statement, ‘Thank you for being gay!’ when issuing the discount.
As a Hoosier, I’m thrilled by this legislation.
It’s fair to everyone
(except maybe business owners)
I’m listening for the coming economic BOOM!
* Legally, the Governor can’t just create laws and implement them all by himself but discrimination has reached critical levels in Indiana. Anything goes in the fight against inequality or racism or whatever…
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I’m afraid Muslims, Atheists, and Vegans will be offended if the new law does not include an “embrace” clause exception. Time to start a second napkin.