Ted Cruz bugs me.

Sure, Rush. Sure.

But…

His campaign sends me emails designed to make me believe he knows I’m alive.

“Hello John,  In my staff meeting today, your name came up…”

My name came up in Ted’s staff meeting!

Wonder what that looked like:

Ted: We’ve got serious cash shortfalls. Who’s on top of our donor list?

Staff: John Branyan!

Ted: I’m sending him an email right now…

It annoys me when people assume I’m an idiot.

I want the chance to PROVE I’m an idiot.

Ted Cruz hasn’t given me that chance.

That’s great, Mark.

But…

He bugs me when he talks too.

Everything sounds rehearsed.

Mrs. Cruz: What do you want for dinner, Ted?

Ted: To repeal ObamaCare!

I’m pretty sure every politician uses rehearsed lines.

But they don’t SOUND rehearsed.

Plus…

…Ted’s eyes are kind of droopy.

Did you even hear what I said, Sean?

He has droopy eyes!

I prefer candidates with almond shaped eyes.

There are other, more colorful candidates.

Candidates that make me laugh.

Candidates that create a sensation wherever they go.

Who doesn’t like a circus…?

I love the circus!

But…

Loving the circus doesn’t mean I should elect a clown.

Blast this wretched conscience!

I just can’t get away from the nagging truth that I’m not voting for a talk show host.

Like him or not, Ted Cruz has an impeccable record of protecting unborn people.

And Cruz has almost no friends in Washington.

The people screwing up the country don’t like Ted Cruz.

That fact alone forces me to give him a pass on his droopy eyes.

Sure, I wish he’d be funnier.

But I’ve got Jimmy Fallon for that.

This is one thing I hate about being a grown up.

Ted Cruz bugs me.

I’m voting for him anyway.