I’ve grown up a little bit this week. I’m embarrassed to admit that at my age, I’m still not mature. I’ve got the same childish thoughts and behavior that I had when I was just a kid.
I blew it this week. That’s not a dramatic announcement from my point of view because I’m always blowing it and I’m kind of used to it. But this week, I blew it publicly. I stood up on my soapbox, got everyone’s attention, and blew it.
This is probably going to be the longest post I’ve ever written. I hope to make the significance of that statement clearer as I go along but it’s important that I emphasize the length of this post right off the bat. Every fiber of my being detests lengthy blog posts. Long form explanations chafe my core convictions as a humorist and storyteller.
Brevity is the soul of wit. Comedy is editing. My mind is constantly looking to “trim the fat” from my speech. If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you probably noticed my “single line paragraph” phase. That was, in my mind, the perfect way to present my thoughts. Short. Succinct. Efficient.
My mind thinks in punchlines. It’s the way I was created. This is the way I like to receive information too. I abhor rambling prose. When I read, I skip all the paragraphs that contain “setting”. It bores me to read about sunsets over the Riviera with the wind in the trees and the song of flamingos wafting…zzzzzzzzz.
This is really nothing more than childish impatience. I want to get to “the good part”. This means that I spend a lot of time flipping back through previous pages to figure out what’s happening. Suddenly, there’s a character named “Mike” in the truck with “Sharon” and they’re discussing how to recover the bio-weapon and I have no idea who either of those people are or how the bio-weapon was lost.
A wise counselor recently (like two days ago when I was emotionally whirling out of control) suggested that my obsession with brevity sometimes hinders effective communication. My mind “cut the fat” from this lengthy sentiment and reduced it to: “You suck.” This is a decent punchline. It’s a short statement that communicates truth in an exaggerated way. It’s also not helpful.
I wasn’t good at math when I was a kid. Math teachers required me to “show my work”. They weren’t satisfied with an answer, even when the answer was correct. They wanted to see how I got the answer. Which is essentially saying, “write out each and every step in your thinking process and show me how you got to this punchline.” Which, of course, chafed my core convictions as a fledgling humorist and storyteller.
But I did it anyway. Because my math teacher couldn’t know my heart unless I explained myself. I’m going to try and show my work leading up to my recent blog post.
Showing my work will require complete transparency. Transparency is going to reveal a lot of the ugliness inside of me. (The ugliness outside is easy to spot.) There are a lot of ugly things about me. I have lots of flaws (or sins as I prefer to call them). One of my major sins is the reason I skip paragraphs in books: impatience.
I am easily irritated. There is no excuse for it. I live an excellent life. Amid all my countless blessings, I’m still able to grumble about lots of things. I grumble at four-way stops. It’s such a simple process, how come nobody but me understands them? First one to stop is the first one to go! That’s not too hard, is it? Maybe you should stop texting and pay attention to the road!
See what I mean? I told you I’m impatient. But traffic irritation is minor compared to huge, monstrous, sense of revulsion I have for “tone”.
By “tone”, I mean – style or manner of expression in speaking or writing. Tone is “the way I say stuff”. It’s what you think I’m saying based on how I say what I’m actually saying. One of the reasons I loathe “tone” is that it’s incredibly difficult to define (as I just demonstrated with three, count them – three, botched definitions).
My tone was a major problem in my blog post. Several (dozen) people told me that my tone was incorrect. My tone was not gentle. My tone was not patient (surprise). My tone was not helpful. My tone was not Christ-like. In my usual impatient manner, I got defensive.
I really, really, really, really, hate how important “tone” has become in culture. I hate that anything I say can be dismissed for lack of proper “tone”.
If I “seem angry” – dismissed.
If I “seem impatient” – dismissed.
If I “seem unloving” – dismissed.
If I “seem mocking” – dismissed.
But I wasn’t merely dismissed. I was attacked. Some other members of the body of Christ let me know they were unhappy with my tone. They made it clear that I wasn’t speaking for the church. They assured me Jesus wouldn’t talk like me.
When my fellow Christians attack me for speaking truth because I didn’t do it with “gentleness and grace”, I lose my mind. I’m showing my work here. This is what happens. A rage wells up inside me that I’m certain is not from the Holy Spirit. The wise thing to do would be to shut-up. So of course, I chose to be unwise and kept talking.
That was sin.
I shouldn’t ever respond to criticism while I’m upset. It is correct to say Jesus would never do that. Talking while I’m personally offended is the opposite of Christ-like. Again, it’s embarrassing that I’m still doing this at my age. I’ve known the wisdom of keeping silent and I ignored it.
I apologize for writing things before I listened to God. I apologize for letting my impatience and pride guide my behavior. I knew better and I did it anyway.
Apologies are difficult for me. I’ve never met anyone who enjoys them but I’m the one showing my work today so I’ll explain why I struggle with apologies. I think I can sum it up in a punchline.
I don’t think I owe anyone an apology.
I’ve got many, many, flaws. (Full disclosure – it bugs me that I need to keep reminding you that I have flaws. If I don’t repeat my sinfulness, you might say my “tone is arrogant”. It’s forbidden to talk about my strengths without assuring you that I’m not perfect.) I also have a few strengths. One of my strengths is rationality. I don’t process thoughts emotionally. It’s a tremendous strength when I’m discussing emotionally charged issues. It’s also a crippling weakness when I’m discussing emotionally charged issues.
My “tone” works against me when I’m talking to emotional people. The scripture says to speak truth in “gentleness and grace” not in “blunt frankness”. I deeply resent speaking with gentleness because I’m not good at it. Gentleness is extremely hard for me. I speak in punchlines. I cut the fat and get to the “good stuff”. A paragraph of “gentle tone” is one I would skip when I found it in a book. I’m not wired to speak gently. And, being completely honest here, it pisses me off when you make me do it.
And it’s not your fault. God is the one insisting I be gentle. Blaming you for something God said is stupid but I do it ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I catch it before I write. Sometimes I don’t. For the times I snap at you because I’m annoyed by the rules of Christian faith, I apologize.
Here’s the deeper issue. I absolutely hate the idea of apologizing to you for the vague, undefined sin of “lacking gentleness”. Gentleness is subjective. Everyone has a different idea of what’s “mild”. When I apologize for my bluntness, I might as well apologize for my height, weight, and eye-color too. And I’m not willing to do that.
I can’t apologize for things that I don’t believe are wrong. Such an “apology” would be a lie. Now, on top of impatience and bluntness, I’ve added dishonesty to my pile of sins. And after I issued that insincere apology, I would detest you. I would detest myself too. A phony apology wouldn’t improve our relationship. I don’t want to hang around people who constantly require apologies. It’s exhausting.
My position is “I didn’t do anything wrong.” But here’s the problem. If I really didn’t do anything wrong, why are so many people mad at me? If I didn’t do anything wrong, there wouldn’t be hundreds of church people scolding me. People don’t usually yell at me for no reason.
I heard from two pastors that the problem was my tone. My blog wasn’t reflecting the love of Christ. I was not gentle. The severity of my words hurt people. And again, Jesus wouldn’t talk like me.
Without hesitation I will agree that Jesus didn’t talk like me. He spoke much better than I do. He is the creator of all things which, to be fair, gives him an advantage over me. At the same time, it gives him an advantage over you. When you angrily accuse me of not talking like Jesus, I wonder how you know that for sure? I agree that I’m nothing like Christ. But neither are you.
I can’t apologize for being “not Jesus”. However, I can apologize for my lack of gentleness. If I bumped into you on the street and made you spill your coffee, I would apologize. There are consequences to recklessness. Even though I didn’t harm you intentionally, I would be sorry I caused needless suffering. So I sincerely apologize for the needless suffering I caused you. It was wrong of me to carelessly hurt you.
That being said, there’s another aspect to consider. There’s always another aspect to consider. Welcome to my head space. I’m a hodge-podge of contradiction and uncertainty.
I can (and do) apologize for hurting you needlessly. I cannot apologize for the fact that I hurt you intentionally. Sometimes intentional hurt does not come from spite, anger, hate, or malice. Intentional wounds are like surgical cuts. They bring healing after the pain.
Some of the kindest acts I’ve received were delivered in painful suffering. I had an ingrown toenail when I was four. If you’ve never had an ingrown toenail, it’s difficult to describe the pain. Mine was so painful I couldn’t wear shoes. My dad noticed me limping one afternoon. He plopped me on the couch, sat on top of me so I couldn’t squirm away, and proceeded to dig into my sore toe with a pocket knife.
That was the LAST thing I wanted him to do. I’d gladly have spent the summer limping around, leaving little puddles of blood wherever I stepped if it would have saved me the exquisite suffering brought on by cutting out that toenail. While dad was cutting, I was shrieking. I begged him to stop. But he didn’t. And when it was all over, he didn’t apologize for the intentional wound.
Still holding my bleeding toe, he looked over his shoulder and asked, “Does it still hurt?”
And you know what? It didn’t. It didn’t hurt at all. Not even a little bit. I remember I was completely astonished that such enormous pain could vanish in an instant. I think about that toenail operation whenever somebody verbally places my foot in their lap and starts hacking away.
The church is a place where I’ve received both kinds of suffering. People have spilled my coffee accidentally. People have removed my toenails intentionally. I didn’t enjoy either one but the intentional wounding always made me feel better when it was all over. Weirdly, I was grateful for the bloodshed.
Only a good friend will cut you when you need it. If you don’t have someone in your life who will dig into your wound and yank out the source of pain, I am sincerely sorry. You are suffering needlessly. You’re limping around leaving puddles of blood. It makes me sad to see you miserable.
I would like to help but you don’t like my tone. You don’t think I’m gentle enough. You’re angry because I make your suffering worse. You prefer the company of friends who tell you things aren’t that bad.
You’re surrounded by well intentioned people who honestly believe saying, “I love you” will fix everything. They’ll tell you to just ignore me. They’ll tell me to leave you alone and mind my own business. They tell me that since I don’t have a relationship with you, I shouldn’t judge. I haven’t shared in your journey so I should keep my mouth shut. Just love!
And this is where I am today. Part of me says to stand up and speak truth knowing you’re going to be upset. Something in my spirit says, “Damn the consequences! Do what you believe is right and trust God for the outcome!”
AND – Another part of me sees your point that it’s none of my business. A part of my spirit (and it’s a larger part than what it was three days ago) says, “Let them be. They don’t want or need your sanctimonious lectures. Especially since your tone sucks.”
I’m able to understand what you mean when you say the church isn’t a safe space. I get it. No matter how much we talk about unity and love and acceptance for everyone at the foot of the cross, there will always be people who don’t belong. People who don’t have the right tone. People who aren’t gentle. People who don’t act anything like Jesus.
I’m renaming my blog. The word “comedy” is coming out. It leads to a lot of misunderstanding. I’ve not done a good job of explaining what I mean by “comedy” and until I’ve had a chance to show my work, I’m ditching it.
I’m going to try to learn my lesson from these past few days. I hold no hope of avoiding similar failures in the future. I’m going to upset you. But know that I’m making a conscious effort to only do it intentionally. I will try very hard to not spill your coffee.
My blunt, sarcastic, frank, smug style of writing is an act. It’s not real. Everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. I doubt my own conclusions (usually seconds after I arrive at them). I only know two things for certain.
1) There is a God.
2) I am not Him.
Finding purpose in life is crucial. Without meaning, humans perish quickly. The Bible suggests that God expects three things from me. Act justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God. I consistently fail to do all three of these things. I apologize for the suffering this has caused. It is only by the grace of Jesus that I am afforded the privilege of saying, “I’m sorry.”
49 Responses
Amanda, I haven’t read you or your father’s blogs since our previous encounters, and I’m not quite sure how I landed on them again. I think I must have followed a link from another Christian blog–the ways of the internet are labyrinthine indeed. I wonder if the problem some of us have is the inability to detect when your father is being sarcastic and when he is not. When I read the second post (the first response to all the criticism), I thought it was a case of whipping out the five-layer sarcasm cake and adding another layer of frosting. It was only when I reread it after seeing the comments that I was able to see any signs of spiritual distress. It’s a tough role for a comedian. I don’t think we always have to “be gentle.” And sarcasm can be funny. But it is inherently problematic because we tend to associate it with taking cheap shots for laughs. And, as with me, some people will hear every statement as sarcastic whether or not it was intended that way. This must have been very tough.
Jill, I felt the exact same way. I originally thought John was hurting, then, “No, this is John making sense of the nonsense in his comedic way,” then,”uh-oh, I think John may really be fighting a tough battle within.”
It’s tough being told “You’re not allowed to criticize strangers” by a stranger. It’s tough when Christians defend a man who says “I’m leaving the church” and then question the faith of a man who identifies as a Christian comedian. It’s tough being told by pastors and other church leaders that “we don’t disagree with the CONTENT of your message” but “we can’t support the DELIVERY” for one inconsistent reason or another.
There have been quite a few other details that have been very tough to accept… Mostly hypocrisy and double-standards and PAID CLERGY not practicing what they preach. I understand the not everyone speaks the same language, and not everyone “gets” sarcasm. But when the wife of a worship minister gets angry and says, “Tell your wife to get a life. No one cares what she thinks,” that’s not simply miscommunication. (Other than the fact that she’s confused about my relationship to my dad.) That’s just ugliness–from people being paid for their “leadership.”
Yes, it’s very tough.
And I appreciate your attempt to jump into our shoes and empathize for a few minutes. Sincerely.
I do empathize. Truly. My own mode of sarcasm is excessive politeness. The more upset I am, the more polite my tone. Luckily for me, a lot of people don’t hear the dismissiveness and utter contempt I’m pouring into it. But those who do find it very wounding indeed. And it is very painful to see our loved ones come under fire–especially friendly fire. I’ll remember you both in my prayers.
John, I wanted to encourage you after the previous post.
But I wasn’t sure if you had real pain, or if you were making a real point.
I saw both.
This explanation is excellent, true, and hard.
You are a gift of God to me.
Like you, I like the short ones too.
But, this was deep.
My love to you and the Peaches.
Keep using you the way God made you, accepting (with Joy?) the pruning that He deems necessary.
I think you do.
It seems it is easier to coddle and excuse sin these days than it is to confront it.
Thanks for taking the hits and trying to speak the truth (in love…and humor).
I understand the part of offending on purpose.
Surgery.
I look forward to tomorrow’s podcast.
Sincerely,
Your brother who also has way too many flaws
But knows the Love of the Father in spite of them.
Randy Epps
randyepps.blog
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From the comedian’s Facebook page: “Jonathan Koloff Did you honestly believe that EVERYONE who read your blog was going to fawn over you for your courage? My goodness. You do live in a bubble.
When you post into the public forum, the public will respond. Brace yourself! Not everyone thinks you’re doing the right thing.”
Clanging symbol, but also…ironic.
Clanging “symbol.” Lol. When you look up “literally,” look up that word, too.
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Yikes, you’re right. Biblically, the word is “cymbal.” Thank you for pointing that out to me, although it does work on both levels. I have commented anonymously (you’ve made snarky comments to people about their personal lives and I’d prefer to not even give you that opportunity), though not as often as you seem to think I have. At the very least, I’m not the same person you’ve been making fun of for their hyperbolic use of “literally.”
Thank you for the correction of my grammar, truly. I’d hate to think someone would read that, get caught up in the grammar mistake, and not let God’s truth speak. Thank you.
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On the “fallen” pastor’s personal Facebook page you wrote: “Now that you’ve left the church, you should journey to the wilderness. Plants are incredibly open minded. They won’t hurt you. They won’t judge you. Surround yourself with plants and never feel the sting of conviction ever again. Research indicates that plants like music too!”
Clanging symbol.
Sheesh, that was convicting.
Bah. Give me the knife.
Nuff said.
I skipped to the good parts. (Can you imagine Elijah or John the Baptist agonizing over the reactions of their audience?) Wait! Elijah freaked after he slew 400 prophets of Baal. Prolly worried that he hurt their feelings with his unChristlike behavior.
John? Someone needs to tell the truth. Sadly, most of the church is years behind that truth. If the Lord is correcting you, then great, work on your delivery. But for those who treasure truth, please don’t shut up.
In all my (short) life, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to relate to a blogpost as much as this one.
It annoys me that, you could write the most objectively perfect paragraph, phrasing things with the wording and tone that Christ himself would have used, and it wont mean Σκύβαλον unless the person is willing to consider your statements as theoretically possible.
It’s unreasonable. It’s foolish.
It’s the situation we find ourselves in.
To get meta with this, we could intend for our speech to be gracefilled and yet truthfully convicting– and all the grace in the world won’t mean a thing if they’ve already set themselves against the idea you’re trying to introduce (in this case, that sin is still sin).
Knowing this and knowing our Lord’s commands to show grace, I find myself almost at a loss. Surely leaving them alone to stew in their refuse is not the love that Christ commands me to have for my neighbor, yet they are unwilling to allow me to actually love them in any reasonable degree.
Ought I to shake the dust from my sandals and move on? Or should I be like the woman who appeals the the judge until they change their mind? What is the factor in deciding which approach to take?
Bah, ignore the stray comma in the first line of the second paragraph. This is what I get for constantly editing my writing as I go and not doing proofreading at the end
John, just wanted you to know I read it all… short or long I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and convictions.
A lady name Kathren buried this quote from Oswald Chambers underneath a billion other comments on my Facebook wall. It’s awesome. I’m posting it here and I love it so much I’ll probably blog about it:
The Right Kind of Help
By Oswald Chambers
Very few of us have any understanding of the reason why Jesus Christ died. If sympathy is all that human beings need, then the Cross of Christ is an absurdity and there is absolutely no need for it. What the world needs is not “a little bit of love,” but major surgery.
When you find yourself face to face with a person who is spiritually lost, remind yourself of Jesus Christ on the cross. If that person can get to God in any other way, then the Cross of Christ is unnecessary. If you think you are helping lost people with your sympathy and understanding, you are a traitor to Jesus Christ. You must have a right-standing relationship with Him yourself, and pour your life out in helping others in His way— not in a human way that ignores God. The theme of the world’s religion today is to serve in a pleasant, non-confrontational manner.
But our only priority must be to present Jesus Christ crucified— to lift Him up all the time (see 1 Corinthians 2:2). Every belief that is not firmly rooted in the Cross of Christ will lead people astray. If the worker himself believes in Jesus Christ and is trusting in the reality of redemption, his words will be compelling to others. What is extremely important is for the worker’s simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing. His usefulness to God depends on that, and that alone.
The calling of a New Testament worker is to expose sin and to reveal Jesus Christ as Savior. Consequently, he cannot always be charming and friendly, but must be willing to be stern to accomplish major surgery. We are sent by God to lift up Jesus Christ, not to give wonderfully beautiful speeches. We must be willing to examine others as deeply as God has examined us. We must also be sharply intent on sensing those Scripture passages that will drive the truth home, and then not be afraid to apply them.
If you just give them a few more years, then their pastor will finally feel they are “mature” enough to hear this sermon at church…
But, for now, they can’t handle this truth. They’re busy filming themselves telling all about their own “story,” while simultaneously questioning yours because it sounds like you just “want attention.” 🙄
Sorry… I just really see a lot of surgery that needs done…
Maybe get your kids and hubby to watch a movie with you? There will be plenty of time to say mouthwords about this tomorrow. 🙂
“Mouthwords?” 😂😂😂
Our power is out because The Man is wiring something, which means no movie. But I look forward to all the “mouthwords” we’re going to use tomorrow. Maybe we really should videotape it!!!
THEN these unrighteous judges will probably be fair, right?!?!
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Yet again, an instigating comment from McMouthy. When you make cheap shot comments like this towards the church you are catching feedback from….well, again, you look like a troll and not the site administrator. You continue to disappoint while adding fuel to a fire that was starting to go out. We will all sit back and wait for your attempt to deflect (again) and shift. Starting to feel a little sorry for you now.
Follow me on Facebook: “Amanda McKinney, Christian Culture Critic.” 🙂 <3
Well said Mr. Chambers. Sadly a lot will not appreciate this wisdom.
Please tell me if I’m off-base here, or if I’m not making sense, or if this is irrelevant, but this is what came to my mind. We are always told to be like Jesus because he is perfect. That makes sense. But then we are also told that we are all parts of the same body of the church, each with its unique function. If we are all striving to balance out every part and be near perfect, I think we would lack strengths. Did Jesus have strengths? Did Jesus have spiritual gifts? Does a perfect person have weaknesses? Those are real questions I just had, not satirical. Maybe you, John, have more temple-table-tossing-Jesus in you. You call out hypocrisy in ways that are needed. That is your strength. Your weakness is in your tone, because you don’t know who is receiving your message. You write a post and put it on a platform on which you don’t know who is going to read it. You cannot see who is going to read, you cannot “read” a room (which I’m sure you know how to do because of stand-up) to know how to deliver a message.
They did a podcast on this once, about some people needing to be the sweat glands and the nervous systems of the body of Christ.
Hey John, I appreciate your transparency in this matter and I am continually confused by the responses of people in response to truth. This whole notion of tone also makes me think how the idea of deconstruction has permeated culture. It is no longer how the writer puts it instead it’s how the reader perceives it that counts as the meaning. As far as tone goes I did not read where you called them “white-washed tombs or a brood of vipers” surely those weren’t said with a gentle tone. I agree we are supposed to restore a brother in sin gently but I think the idea of sin is having it’s meaning changed in order to avoid hurtful feelings. Feelings are the new truth. For the record I typed this in the sincerest tone I could.
I approve of your tone. So I can respond to your content.
You are correct that my intention is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is how I am perceived. Those who choose to be offended will find offense everywhere.
Maybe you will just have to put LOL at the end of everything you write.
That would be mockery. Very offensive and not like Jesus.
The problem is, he’s not actually trying to JOKE all the time… He just doesn’t like all the formal, patronizing, fluffy stuff you’re “supposed” to add before you say something difficult, because it feels unnecessary, and that’s not how he wants people to talk to him…
When people were reaching out this weekend and trying to tell him “gently” what he did wrong, they kept repeating “I love you!” and they don’t realize how pointless that seems (at best) and patronizing (at worst) to someone who DOESN’T TALK THAT WAY.
The more serious an issue is, the more he wants to cut to the chase. I’ve lost track how many times he has told me, “Oh, stop trying to spare my feelings. Just say what you mean!”
So, he will need some type of word or phrase to use when he’s not joking, but also not in the mood to “show his work” and go on and on and on.
If you truly love someone you don’t have to reiterate it ever second sentence.
I don’t want to judge what’s in their hearts when I know they’re just saying “I’m trying to be nice” in their own way.
But, yes, it does seem insincere to me most of the time. And it’s depressing that they don’t understand us (or people who think like us) enough to know that we do NOT talk like that most of the time, and it FEELS like a cheap way to buy their right to speak.
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If he’s not in the mood to “show his work” (I.e. speak with love, also known as communicating well), then he shouldn’t blog or publicly post. If he doesn’t feel like showing his work, that’s a sure sign that idea should be written in a journal, not a public platform. Otherwise, it’s just poorly communicating.
Um…. Okay. 🙂
Greg, I’d be interested to see your working definition of “truth in love”, because you seem to only see your version.
John and THE Peaches,
What fantastic posts! I think that was among the finest of humble apology letters I’ve ever read, and daughter insight (cut to the chase) caps it off.
Your letter and post clearly opened my own eyes to the dynamics within my own family, and illustrates why I can Grok what you’re both saying, without any offense.
My Dad was like you, John. Refreshing, to the point, enjoyable to talk and explore ideas with. I loved talking with him, because he didn’t say much – but when he did, it was worth listening to.
Dad was always in “hot water” with my sentimental, loving and soft focused Mom; and he was clueless as to why some of the people at work chafed under his very fair but non-coddling management style.
Dad would frequently look at me with a pleading, wounded innocent creature look of “What did I do now?” as Mom would wordlessly slam doors and stomp off to a private place. He was being his normal self, problem-solving, being factual and direct with trying to help Mom. She didn’t want any part of that – she wanted to be held, comforted, to hear “I love you, it’ll be ok”, instead of him helpfully telling her the basis of the problem as he analyzed it, and clearly how to fix it. Your style.
He knew he was loved and understood when he was spoken to in the same way. When someone did a task brilliantly- his amazing eyes would sparkle.
He and Mom were actually perfectly matched – if they could ever figure out how to talk to each other in a language that could combine both styles. By the time they were in their 80’s they had it down pretty well. Through forgiveness and a lot of patience, listening, fortitude and persistence they became quite fluent in this blended language, and their end of life years together were amazing; so sympatico and loving it makes me weep: (that’s from my Mom’s side).
Carry on, John. You’re delving into the intricacies of language that will serve you, your loved ones and your readers, very well.
Carry on, Shakespeare!
On the “fallen” pastor’s personal Facebook page you wrote: “Now that you’ve left the church, you should journey to the wilderness. Plants are incredibly open minded. They won’t hurt you. They won’t judge you. Surround yourself with plants and never feel the sting of conviction ever again. Research indicates that plants like music too!”
It was clear you weren’t trying to express an opinion – kindly or not – or speak truth. Your comment yelled loud and clear, “Look at me! I have stuff to say! Be shocked by this! Click on my blog! Click on my blog! Please, please, drive some traffic my way because I have stuff to say!”
I mean, your comment also made it clear how prideful you are – both in what you were saying, but also I’m thinking it was funny, but it mostly just yelled, “Look at me!”
Have you spoken to Jon directly about this, or is this blog post still yelling, “Look at me! I have stuff to say! Be shocked by this! Click on my blog! Click on my blog! Please, please, drive some traffic my way because I have stuff to say!”
I think we’d all seriously like to know – have you tried to reach out to the pastor you’ve spent so much time talking about?
Seriously?
This is the comment you’re leaving after reading this?
Please. Be the admin. McTroll.
Literally don’t know what this means…
(But I’m still going to use the word “literally” correctly in my sentence.) 🙂
So… since you make this comment after John has apologised, what more do you want from him? How insensitive of you and dismissing of his pain in coming forward with a humble apology. Your tone is uncalled for.
Honestly, I really tried to make that clear. I’d like him to show genuine concern for the human being he’s been talking about. To reach out to him and genuinely apologize for the hurt he unintentionally caused, as opposed to blogging about it. Also, I hope he sees that people are upset not necessarily because of the post, but because of how he (and his daughter) acted in the comments on social media. To read through all that they’ve written in response to others has been…revealing.
Reading tone in text is tough, I can understand how my tone came across snarky and rude. To clarify, I wrote it in firmness, but also sincerely.
If something is snarky or rude, does it make it untrue? What if the intention was never to be snarky or rude? How do you know that speaking the truth with frankness and brevity isn’t the way John shows “genuine concern”? How do you know that receiving hard truth isn’t the way I receive love? If I best receive love that is delivered with a firm resolve and a blunt approach, you are doing me a disservice by being subtle and sweet. If people could understand the loving intention and receive it with grace instead of getting aggravated and offended, this conversation would be unnecessary. If we started asking, “is this true?” more often rather than “did this hurt my feelings?” maybe then we’d start to see the church grow up.
ADMINISTRATOR’S NOTE: For the last few days, this commenter has posted dozens of comments under multiple fake names. Please decide for yourselves whether the comments are worth your time.
“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”
The clanging cymbals in his posts, his comments, his social media, and his daughters posts/comments/social media are deafening.
Thankyou for skipping all my valid content and using a Scripture to cover up your lack of an argument. It’s always so much easier to elude to something that sounds like virtue rather than facing what might be an ugly truth hiding beneath a layer of offence because of a mere “tone”.
(In case you missed the warning, Jasmine, all of the anonymous posters who have left comments the last few hours are the same person. “Um…okay” and “Concerned” and “Caleb” and “Greg” and “1 Corinthians” all come from the same IP Address.)
Very nice, Jasmine!
Thank you for the warning, Amanda! It’s very helpful and comforting to know that the barrage of ugly posts are coming from a single person as opposed to a “crowd” of unforgiving, not-getting-it, continuously offended people.
I totally agree. And they are mostly COLLEGE STUDENTS, which explains a lot. 🤭
😂You made me shoot tea out my nose, Amanda😂