I graduated high school in 1984. Mankind had just discovered fire and was starting to use simple tools. Wearing the most absurd hat ever designed, I picked up a diploma and strolled confidently into my future. The commencement speaker told me I was “ready to face the world”. But I knew better.

Deep down, underneath the rented gown, under my skin, way down in my guts I knew the truth. After twelve years of education, I was still an idiot. I kept it to myself though. Revealing that fact would have not only upset my parents but reduced the amount of cash I received at my open house. So I flipped my tassel, smiled for the camera, and nodded along when people assured me I was going to do great things.

So I’m on to you. Your confidence is mostly an act. From one idiot to another, I’ll tell you what nobody else will.

The world is designed for idiots, not geniuses.

This is absolutely true. Look around! The evidence is everywhere.

Next time you get into a roller coaster, listen to the instructions. They’ll tell you, “Do not stand up during the ride.” They tell you this AFTER they’ve locked you into your seat with a padded, metal shoulder harness. They say this because idiots ride roller coasters. Idiots who will try to slip out of their restraints while the train goes up a 300 foot hill at a 75 degree angle. Idiots who think it would be fun to stand on the seat while the coaster drops over the other side of that hill.

Next time you get coffee at a restaurant, read the warning on the cup. It says, “CONTENTS MAY BE HOT”. This is written on an insulated cup filled with a steaming liquid. It says this because idiots buy coffee. Idiots don’t associate steam with heat. These are the people with blisters on their chins because a slice of pizza doesn’t have a warning label, “CAUTION: Melted Cheese May Cause Burns”.

Next time you drive, look for this sign:

Signs like this are necessary because idiots drive cars. Idiots need to be reminded to be ready to apply the brakes occasionally. Idiots see an open road, engage cruise control, lean the seat back, and close their eyes. Drivers like you are constantly prepared to stop. You don’t need this sign but it does prove my point.

The world is designed for idiots. Bigger idiots than me and you. So we’re going to be just fine. YOU’RE going to be just fine! I’m living proof of that.

Congratulations, Graduates. Get out there and change the world. There are a lot of other idiots who are counting on you.