One of my best friends is wooden. He’s less than half an inch tall. I carry him around in my pocket so he’s always available when I need him. And I need him almost every single day.

I call him BB which is short for “Blame Buddy”. When something bad happens that is absolutely my fault, BB takes the blame. I can’t ask for a better friend.

Before I had BB, my own incompetence, stupidity, and arrogance caused a lot of embarrassment. When I was wrong, I had to own my mistakes and suffer the consequences. Sometimes I did things I knew were wrong thinking I wouldn’t get caught. When I got caught, the humiliation was doubly painful. All that is over now.

Everything is BB’s fault. He is lazy, thoughtless, aloof, selfish, apathetic, short-tempered, conceited, and a narcissist. He won’t admit it though. He’s so stubborn! Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him. It’s not easy carrying a self-absorbed jerk around in my pocket. But every time I try to cut him out of my life, I remember his many responsibilities.

• He forgets to set the alarm clock when I’m late for appointments.
• He snaps at people when they annoy me.
• He takes the last donut in the box.
• He screws up tasks I’m not qualified to perform.
• He forgets people’s names when they introduce themselves.
• He is jealous of my other friends when they succeed.
• He interrupts people when they’re speaking.
• He never reads directions.
• He assumes the worst about people I love.
• He isn’t grateful for anything in my life.
• He loves to hear gossip.
• He criticizes others for doing the same stuff I do.
• He over-shares.

That’s just a partial list! If I took responsibility for all that crap, I’d have a breakdown! So I roll my eyes , shake my head, and put up with BB’s numerous flaws. That’s what friends are for.

Would You Like A Wooden Friend of Your Own?

If there’s enough interest, I’ll make BB available to the masses. He’ll come with a certificate of authenticity. BB will absolve you of mishaps, mistakes, lapses in judgment and various blunders of all kinds. Interested? Fill out the form…