When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was my least favorite holiday.
Now that I’m grown-up…nothing has changed.
For me, Thanksgiving isn’t even a day off from school anymore.
I’m not grateful for Thanksgiving.
Because I’ve never been good at gratitude.
Thanksgiving forces me to own this shortcoming.
No other holiday requires as much self-examination.
When I take a moment to “count blessings”, I lose all the my carefully collected outrage.
I’ve worked hard building up a bullet-proof shelter of sanctimonious self-righteousness.
I hate how Thanksgiving shatters it.
There should be something to help me regain my balance.
I propose we declare a new holiday.
“Grievance Giving”
Let’s set aside a day to reflect on everything we have to complain about.
Gather family around a bountiful table full of food nobody enjoys.
An abundance of dairy, nut, and wheat dishes to trigger every food allergy.
Then, everyone who isn’t suffering anaphylactic shock, will share a reason to be bitter.
Aunt Nan will remind us that Uncle Herb cheated on her back in 1982.
Uncle Herb will regret his decision to come back to her.
Cousin Steve will show graphs proving that corporate administrators get paid more than he does.
Doug will pass around the diagnosis from last week’s check-up (it’s shingles).
Cousin Andrew will pound the table and insist that we refer to him using female pronouns.
Great Aunt Violet will call from California and we’ll make her leave a voicemail.
Uncle Don will repeat “Trump lies” over and over.
And everyone will shout that nobody else is listening to them.
Uuuuuugh!
This is why I despise the Thanksgiving holiday.
It brings me face-to-face with the selfish triviality I profess every other day of the year.
I can’t wait for it to be over.
So I can start griping about Christmas.
8 Responses
Don’t forget the atheist second cousin-in-law once removed who professes a generic gratitude to the cosmos for randomly producing us from a puddle of gooey chemicals.
You’ve always got Black Friday to look forward to, John. Lots of idiotic screaming as we trample over the person in front of us, the selfishness, rudeness, madness and mayhem, all going on in a store near you, Maybe even some injuries and police intervention. Then there’s our condemnation of stores who didn’t carry enough “Little Barney’s”, or whatever it is this year, to indulge our selfish brat kids to also look forward to. Cheer up, bro. 🙂
That’s funny, Mel!
Yes, Black Friday: enough to kill the joy, and pleasant torpor from tryptophan-laden turkey; and set up up for a grumpy, stressed Christmas.
Hope this brings a laugh:
Merry Christmas Mr Bean | Full Episode | Mr. Bean Official:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L2UCRNldC3s
Hi John,
Your post makes me laugh, paired with the perfect picture of Grumpy Greta (a person I knew who grouched her way to the grave – much to the relief of everyone) is too funny.
It only takes 1 of these at a mandatory family gathering to destroy the good intentions of the holiday, and turn it into an ordeal that you’ll do nearly anything to escape, in coming years.
I want to add, from personal experience, that gratitude celebrated by yourself can be a miraculous life-giving event. I practice daily. Why? It helps me live.
I have had some intense health challenges. I won’t give an “Organ Recital”😊, but one day I was alone, and dying. I was scared at first, but then realized it didn’t really matter. I hoped I would go to heaven, but as I thought about God, I realized what truly mattered was that Love, Justice, Truth, Mercy, Beauty, Compassion… all the incredible attributes of God, and God Himself, exist forever. I was in such joy that evil and hate can never conquer God. He is forever! The joy and gratitude filling me, led to my thanking Him on a very deep level, singing my love to Him and saying if evil overtook me, I didn’t care because He would Always Be I Am.
While I was thanking and loving Him, I was suddenly, unexpectedly, touched by Him, and could get up, and live.
“He inhabits our praises”.
I hope you have time to be alone with Him for a while, this Thanksgiving; and be able to rejoin everyone with a renewed, softened heart full of thanksgiving, love, joy and laughter.
Thanking God for you, and your loved ones,
❤️😊🙏🏻❤️Katy
Do not despair John you can turn Thanksgiving into a day that you self congratulate yourself for all the things you have done throughout the year. I mean if we aren’t going to thank God for all His goodness to us, we can just go around and thank ourselves.
Problem solved….your welcome, no thanks necessary.
Shingles??? Shingles!!!
Ugh, drat the anti-vaxxers!
That’s the spirit!
😂Guilty as charged. ❤️😂
Drat the dear Vaxxers:
https://www.naturalnews.com/2018-08-28-shingles-vaccine-responsible-for-more-shingles-vaccine-injury.html
❤️
Happy Thanksgiving and Dratted Grumbly Day
❤️❤️❤️