Anyone who claims, “A Biblical marriage is a healthy marriage”…

…hasn’t read the Bible.

Couples described in the Bible are perfect if…

…you’re casting a marriage episode of Jerry Springer.

There’s Adam and Eve.

I don’t think they were technically ‘married’.

They didn’t know about it until after they ate from the tree.

They needed knowledge of good and evil…

…before they could understand marriage.

Then there’s Abraham and Sarah…

…and some concubines…

…and Hagar.

Even this seemingly perfect romantic arrangement had some troubles.

Like Abraham giving Sarah to another man.

And Abraham sleeping with his wife’s maid-servant…

…but it was okay because it was the wife’s idea.

Shockingly, issues arose between the wife and maid servant.

So Abraham kicked the maid servant (and his own son) out of the family…

…and country.

After all this…

…Abraham and Sarah never visited a marriage counselor…

…or attended a Couples Weekend Retreat.

Role models?

Don’t think so.

The prophets of God aren’t any better.

Hosea was a married guy.

His wife’s name was Gomer…

…so…

…yeah…

And she was a harlot.

That was her contribution to the relationship.

…No doubt, they had some ‘trust issues’ to work through.

“Tell me about your day, sweetie.”

I was up at dawn and on my back by 6:30…

“Never mind!”

Esther married a King.

…Then worried that he might kill her if she approached him uninvited.

…The same fear modern wives have leaving the kids with Dad during Monday Night Football.

The Bible doesn’t read like a relationship workbook.

Most of the couples in Scripture would not be asked to speak at a marriage conference.

“After lunch, Ananias and Sapphira will share tips for managing finances as a team.”

If marriage is supposed to be an endless swim in the joy lagoon…

…why aren’t the Biblical couples even wearing swimsuits?