If you’re stuck in a horrible job at a horrible company controlled by horrible people who do horrible things, I have wonderful news! You are not a salmon.

Salmon are programmed by God to live a horrible life. When mating season rolls around, Salmon swim thousands of miles to their place of birth. They swim UPSTREAM, over waterfalls! While they’re struggling against the current, bears eat them. They don’t have any choice about this. Their tiny fish brains won’t allow them to consider other options. They can’t decide to become bottom-feeding catfish. They can’t say, “Screw it! I’m not participating in mating season! I’m staying put.”

Aren’t you glad you’re not a salmon?

God gave you a great big human brain instead of a tiny fish brain. You can tell the horrible people at the horrible company that you don’t want their horrible job. You can work a wonderful job at a wonderful company owned by wonderful people.

You can learn new skills! Your programming is not hardwired. Your big human brain adapts to circumstances. You can think and reason. You can transform your mind to do any kind of work you like.

Or, you can just quit working altogether. Become a bottom-feeding freeloader! Steal all your stuff from the people who work horrible jobs to provide for themselves and their families. The government will tax those shmucks and give their money to you. You can spend all your time at home posting memes about the evils of capitalism. You’ll have all your needs met and you won’t need to worry about being eaten by a bear!

Whichever option you take, it is appropriate that you say thank you to God for not making you a salmon. You are a human, so your life is chock full of blessings that a hapless fish can’t even imagine.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)