Long ago, words were useful for communicating ideas.
Not anymore.
And it’s your fault.
You assume that words have the same meaning as they did prior to 2008.
You’re wrong.
(‘Wrong’ still means what it used to…)
Below is a helpful glossary.
These are current definitions.
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President of the United States: Elected official with the power to override any law, State or Federal.
Executive Order: How the President of the United States overrides any law, State or Federal.
Congress: Elected officials who act as support staff to the President of the United States.
Citizens of the United States: Anyone who crosses the border undetected.
Illegal Immigrants: Derogatory term used in reference to certain Citizens of the United States.
Scandal: Refers to an event where political leaders break the law. Scandals are no longer possible as laws don’t apply to political leaders.
Distraction: Suggesting that the current political administration has committed a scandal.
Benghazi: Distraction.
Solyndra: Distraction.
Marriage: Any imaginable relationship between two human beings.
Same Sex Couple: The bravest and most beautiful form marriage.
IRS Emails: Distraction.
Abortion: Crucial element for maintaining healthy women.
Abortion Clinic: The only place in the country that performs mammograms.
Birth Control: (See Abortion)
Fast and Furious: Distraction.
Whacko: Anyone with different point of view.
Extremist: Person who effectively expresses a different point of view.
Dangerous Extremist: A likable person who effectively expresses a different point of view.
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Please add any that I’ve missed in the comment section.
I’ll update the glossary from time to time.
15 Responses
Constitution of the United States – an archaic piece of paper with no relevance to today’s issues.
Bill of Rights – 10 amendments to the Constitution of the United States that can be changed any time and for no reason at all.
Go, you!!
Republican–satanic spawn of a whacko and a moron
Bible–outdated artifact with absolutely no bearing on society
Koran–peace-loving manifesto that must be held sacred
Socialist–a sect of the Catholic Church noted for their generosity and fair-mindedness
Hollywood icons–the single-most intelligent political advisors on the planet
Lois Lerner–faithful public servant
Public School Lunches–the least amount of food possible (made entirely of wilted lettuce) while preventing hypoglycemic fainting spells
North Korea–known for their love of basketball
Democratic Party–just above God and just below Obama
Lol!!!!
Tolerant – Celebrating and affirming anyone or any action supported by teachers unions while hating and vilifying everyone that doesn’t celebrate and affirm with you.
Intolerant – Living peaceably side by side with people of different views and beliefs but failing to tell them they are absolutely right and should be celebrated, or for the truly intolerant possibly, maybe, suggesting, that just maybe you don’t agree with their views and beliefs (unless those beliefs are the obviously evil beliefs of Christians and Conservatives, which you must try to eliminate if you want to be tolerant.)
Dog : a baby human with rights to life, medical care, and air conditioning.
And next astronaut to moon
Christian–see ‘Dangerous Extremist’
Tea Party–a group of people who loudly proclaim their bigotry and prejudice in public rallies
Bill Ayers–a well-known but misunderstood zealot who proclaimed freedom for the masses (not a Dangerous Extremist)
Golf–An important function that must consequently supersede all distractions
Marijuana–beneficial pain reliever that has absolutely no negative effects on anyone
Hamas–distraction
Israel–the cause of all problems for all time everywhere
Egypt–our biggest supporters
Putin–a rock star
ISIS–Incredibly Saintly Islamic Supporters
Iran–incapable of nuclear power
Iranian President–completely honest individual
SNAP–easiest, most socially acceptable way of supporting six kids and their baby daddies
Baby Daddy–one-night stand for the purpose of obtaining SNAP card
Bill Maher–calm, reasonable intellect who was previously a member of Mensa
Free Speech–accepted only if approved by liberal society and/or the political administration
Homeschooler–a group of socially-inept Whackos
Lawsuit – a legal form of theft
In context: I burned myself on my coffee this morning so I filed a lawsuit against the restaurant. They should have warned me it was hot!
Josiah, This one should be included in the list. Thanks for the update.
Liberal Media: A term for all news agencies telling the truth.
I appreciate the contribution Matt, but the term ‘Liberal’ is redundant here. “Media” refers to news agencies and all news agencies are truthful. Fox News is fanciful entertainment. A parody.
I would add “and owns a gun” to “Extremist” 🙂 Thanks for giving me the new meanings. No wonder I keep getting weird looks!
Thanks for the response, Candee. However “owns a gun” is implied in the term Whacko.
In that case (since we uphold out 2nd amendment rights) we all need to take our silhouette targets to the range for practicing “group therapy”. (As we are wackos.)