Dearly beloved, we are gathered today…

I just wanted some help.

Needed to build a shed.

So I made an appointment with a wedding planner.

“I’m uncomfortable doing this project,” she told me.

Why?

“Because this isn’t technically a wedding.”

Says you.

“…um…”

How do you stay in business you bigot?

“…you need a contractor, not a…”

Your hate-fueled rhetoric is a disgrace!

It’s 2015!

Weddings don’t follow your narrow definition anymore!

Who are you to tell me who I can love?

“Love who you want. I just don’t build sheds…”

That’s the whole point, you fundamentalist twit!

YOU can’t get past your close-minded orthodoxy.

“…I don’t know how to build anything…”

Isn’t that convenient!

Claiming ignorance won’t save you!

This isn’t over!

I’ll post to Facebook!

I’ll reveal your insidious intolerance!

Your business will collapse!

You’ll die a pauper…

…alone…

…unloved…

…and good riddance!

Your absence will leave more room for compassionate, loving people.

People like me.