It’s not my fault that you have to tell me when I’ve wronged you. I know I’m a conceited jerk and it’s hard to talk to me. I know that you’re uncomfortable when you express yourself. I wish you could just secretly resent me from a distance. That would be easier for both of us.
Unfortunately, Jesus doesn’t allow you to let your wounds fester in private. You have to tell me when I’ve mistreated you.
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15)
Notice that there’s no option for grumbling about me behind my back. You don’t get to nurse a grudge against me either. When I sin against you, it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a fellow Christian to tell me. You don’t even get to choose to ignore it! Blocking me on social media is not an act of righteousness.
I’m going to remind you that these aren’t my rules. Despite your belief that I just ‘love to fight,’ I didn’t write a single word of scripture. Jesus Christ is responsible for this unpleasant mandate. When you refuse to show me my fault, YOU are sinning too. You’re not ‘keeping the peace.’ You’re not ‘taking the high road.’ You’re not ‘choosing your battles.’ You don’t get to decide that my sin is ‘not worth mentioning.’
I know the thought of engaging with me is unappealing but ask yourself; how much do you hate me? It’s not love that leaves a brother in his sin. God does not hold me responsible for the hatred in YOUR heart. The bitter anxiety you feel as you avoid me is actually YOUR sin, not mine. Secretly detesting me does not make you more like Jesus.
“For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
(1 John 2:16)
2 Responses
Could you please also address the issue when it’s your unbelieving adult child who you raised in the church? How do you do this when they don’t respect or acknowledge these steps?
Well said!
Your quote, ’ You don’t get to decide that my sin is ‘not worth mentioning,’ is a wake up call to believers who don’t wish to take responsibility to come alongside one another and help them. Too many times I have seen other Christians admit they are angry with someone, but then also admit they haven’t or don’t plan on confronting the person who they are offended by. They think it’s scriptural to forgive, and not scriptural to confront.
How can anyone expect others not to be hurtful if they are unwilling to point it out? I think it’s because if they do, they may find out they are probably also at fault.