Why You Don’t Want A Biblical Marriage
Anyone who claims, “A Biblical marriage is a healthy marriage”… …hasn’t read the Bible. Couples described in the Bible are perfect if… …you’re casting a marriage episode of Jerry Springer. There’s Adam and Eve. I don’t think they were technically ‘married’. They didn’t know about it until after they ate from the tree. They needed knowledge of good and evil… […]
The Shameful Reason People Follow Jesus
The cynics have figured it out. They understand why people convert to Christianity. I’ve seen the gleeful declarations in a million blog comments. “Jesus is a crutch!” “Christians use religion to ease their consciences.” “People convert because they feel guilty.” Inexplicably, Christians argue with these statements. These are the ONLY true things pagans ever say […]
The Correct Way To Quit The Church
I ran away from home when I was 6 years old. Fed up with my parent’s oppression. They always told me what to do. “Get to bed, Mister!” They told me how to think. “Be respectful of grown-ups!” They even told me how to feel. “Boys don’t hit girls! You should be ashamed!” Full of […]
Ask Your Pastor This Question On Sunday
Tired of the same old Sunday rituals? Here’s a fun way to enliven the conversations. Ask your pastor this question: Why would you NOT trade places with Joel Osteen? Poor Joel has been a magnet for ridicule and derision. Most of it, well deserved. He is notoriously vague on Christian doctrine. He is notoriously outspoken […]
This Is How I Keep Sexism Alive In Church
WARNING: The following article contains sexism, bigotry and discrimination. Reader discretion is advised. I’m guilty of sexist discrimination. I treat people differently depending on their gender. Even at church. I’ve been discriminating against women for years and I didn’t even know it. This article convicted me. I owe my Christian sisters an apology. Allow me […]
Jesus Would Sign The Nashville Statement
What is the Nashville Statement? In a nutshell, it’s Christianity. I didn’t say it’s ‘God’s Word’. But it borrows HEAVILY from God’s ideas. If God decided to sue for plagiarism, He’d have a strong case. Because the Nashville Statement clearly explains the Christian position… …it infuriates people. And that is bad. It’s ALWAYS bad to […]
The World Is Ending! Be Brave!
I’m going to assume you’ve already noticed that America went insane. This isn’t an exaggeration. The country is literally bonkers. Recently, our elected officials took the first step in passing laws that will make it illegal to keep men out of women’s restrooms. (If you don’t believe me, type ‘equality act’ into your favorite search […]
Thanks For The Meme-ories
Most of the Christians I know won’t waste of time arguing with people who try to play chess with birds. Thankful to whom? And you’re only accustomed to playing with pigeons. How terribly judgmental. Prove it. I’d be grateful for the help exposing the stupidity of atheism. If there are no followers then who are […]
Stop Wearing Those Shoes!
Brethren, we have us a problem of sorts. Actually, you’re the one with the problem. But since I’m commanded to bear your burdens… …it’s my problem too. The problem is you’re wearing someone else’s shoes. A few days ago, I posted this nifty article suggesting that people sometimes use their afflictions as an excuse to […]
Steady Diet of Thought
Contrary to conventional wisdom… …you are not what you eat. This is absurdly obvious. Nobody ever mistakes me for double-pepperoni pizza. However, I do get mistaken for a bitter, religious jackass. It’s only the morons (scientific name: “Niticus-Witicus”) that make this mistake. Because while you are NOT what you eat… You are what you THINK. […]