The following quote was foisted before me by cosmic forces beyond my comprehension. I didn’t go looking for trouble but I’m certain trouble is rolling up its sleeves to punch me in the face:
Shame is not a good motivator, it’s a horrible motivator that can destroy a person’s heart and spirit. Shame only makes a person feel fundamentally defective, and no one has the right to do that to someone else.
My first reaction was, “No! This is wrong! Shame is an excellent motivator!” But then I took a moment, searched my heart, and employed some compassion and empathy. Thoughtful introspection lead me to my second reaction which was,
“No! This is wrong! Shame is an excellent motivator!”
The minor problem with Christians espousing faith without shame is this: Shame is the only reason to become a Christian.
When you don’t have any guilt, shame, regret or remorse then you don’t need Jesus. And if you don’t need Jesus, I can’t think of any rational reason to become a Christian.
Of course, the anti-shame Christians are not opposed to ALL shame. They only object to their shame. They do not hesitate to shame me for shaming them. Their shame-free theology demands that I apologize and repent for being judgmental.
And that’s where the problem comes full circle and bites them in the glutes. When you say “nobody has the right to make anyone feel shame”, then you can’t tell me I’m wrong to disagree. Because that will make me feel ashamed. And you don’t have the right to do that.
Shame was given to you by God. It’s what makes you different from animals. Foxes never contemplate the morality of eating the farmer’s chickens. Foxes can’t change their behavior based on notions of “right” or “wrong”.
But you can.
God gave you the ability to feel shame so you can know when you’re sinning. Shame is a gift. It is the alarm that warns you to think before you take another step. The reason you feel “fundamentally defective” is because you are fundamentally defective.
Which is why God sent Jesus to Earth. You are so fundamentally defective that you’re incapable of ever fixing yourself. On your own, you’re a pathetic pile of selfishness with no hope of redemption. The reason you’re feeling shame is because you’re shameful.
It is NOT true that Jesus loves you because you’re lovable. It is NOT true that your shame is undeserved. You are correct to feel awful. You’re not a thing of beauty.
Christians must stop telling people they have nothing to be ashamed of. When the world feels no shame, the world will never reach for Jesus. Then the world is doomed.
If you’ve ever told a sinner they shouldn’t feel ashamed…shame on you.
Now we know that whatever the Law says, it speaks to those who are under the Law, so that every mouth may be closed and all the world may become accountable to God; because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; whom God displayed publicly as a propitiation in His blood through faith. This was to demonstrate His righteousness, because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed; for the demonstration, I say, of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.
Romans 3
16 Responses
You said I’m your article that shame is the only rational reason to become a Christian. I haven’t looked through the comments to see if you’ve already answered this question, but would another rational reason be because repenting and submitting to Christ is the right/grateful thing to do?
I know this is several days late, but I’ve been mulling this over for a few days, because I can’t help but think (or feel ;P) I feel like there is something wrong with how shamers and anti-shamers are talking about this. (for Pkalgh – you can write me off as a lukewarm middle grounder if you need to ^_^)
So, I think, related to Chris’s post above, people read words like “shame” in very technical studies/papers (where the word is very specific in meaning) and then generalize that word into whatever colloquial way that they use it.
I think that, under some understanding of shame (such as imparting a belief that one’s inherent worth is lower than the worth of others), it IS bad to shame people. While under other understandings of shame (such as pointing out that an aspect of one’s behavior or character could/should be improved), is is good to shame people – especially in those instances where it likely lines up with their own values to change toward whatever goal the shame is pointing (because otherwise, shame is pointless and a discussion on values is more relevant).
It’s too bad that pithy phrases too frequently replace nuance. People believe they are talking about the same things when they use the same words, but then can’t hear what the other actually is trying to communicate because the other sounds incomprehensibly wrong
Totally agree. The way a person defines “shame” is critical to this conversation.
At the root of the problem is our elevation of “subjective truth” over communication. We care more about “being heard” than speaking truth. I’ve read numerous articles on the subject of “shame” vs. “guilt” and they all say essentially what you’ve said. People have differing ideas on what “shame” means.
I can’t help but think the conflation is sometimes intentional. It is easier to be outraged at the “shamer” than to deal with the source of shame. I haven’t personally encountered anyone who understands the phrase, “Shame on you” to mean “You are a bad person to the core and you are beyond redemption.”
I’m also struck by the irony of articles that shame me for shaming others.
I’ll grant you that it is often intentional – polarizing and outlandish headlines and articles get more clicks and shares. Indeed, being heard is a higher priority for most writers (journals, news outlets, bloggers and tweeters [twits?]) than speaking truth.
I’m more apt to give benefit of the doubt to the original researchers. Really, I think any word used is going to get shifted around. For example, “low self-esteem” would be a pretty great way to describe that feeling (a feeling that is worth studying and likely trying to mitigate), but that phrase clearly been hijacked to suit individual agendas too.
I think it’s worth abandoning words when they have become vague and trying to adapt new ones. I guess that’s why language changes and why the PC police exist (not defending their existence – just explaining it), but I think it’s actually necessary to communicate truth.
The whole “What’s an Evangelical?” discussion comes to mind in discussing this…. but now I’m rambling ^_^
There is therefore now no shame for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and judgement.
Isn’t that how it goes?
Thank you for pointing out one of the most fundamentally evil plots of modern Christianity. When we can’t possibly be bad enough to change ourselves, when people are good enough as they are (for all eternity, you’re good enough where you are to start this journey, but we shouldn’t be the same at the finish line as when we began), and when we can’t show our brothers and sisters the truth when they have gone astray, we are not the church that was meant to be.
The church is supposed to be transformative! The gospel should be life-changing!
Thank God I am not the same as when I first met Him! And I will not be the same when I meet Him face to face.
I am a wretched man with many shortcomings (just ask my wife), I am nothing if not for the One that lives in me. I need Christ as much today as in the lowest point in my life.
Shame on those who denigrate the role of shame.
What’s interesting is that the Middle Eastern culture of Jesus’ day was a shame-based culture, much like some Asian cultures today in the East. Shame is definitely a motivator and Paul’s argument was that Jesus came to take away our shame and condemnation. We are now motivated by love to not live for ourselves (2 Cor.5:14-15).
I wonder if the shame-based culture of Jesus’ time was yet another example of God perfectly orchestrating everything necessary to get the Gospel to as many people as possible…
If the Messiah came as a baby today, would our hearts be prepared for His message? I sincerely doubt it. We don’t think we need saving.
I realize much of our Egotism comes from a twisting of the Gospel. So, perhaps, if Jesus hadn’t been born until 2020, we would STILL be a shame-based, Middle-Eastern people until his Love set us free.
But, I still stand by the thesis that Shame had to come first. And the brazen Shamelessness of today’s America is a terrible obstacle to ultimate freedom.
You have a good point. We’re doing everything in our power to remove shame in our “equal outcome” society, but we still can appeal to a person’s conscience, as Paul did. Of course, we’ll probably get sued in the process.
Great post! While I do think that another possible reason for a person to come to faith is the fact that heaven is the reward for being a Christian. However, eventually you will have to feel shame and repent.
It is of note that the Apostle Paul in 1st Corinthians specifically uses the word shame to let the people know what they are doing is wrong. If it’s good enough for Paul then…
Again you have spoken truth and the feelers will not understand. If there is one thing that I do feel is shame for my sins and I will be much worried if that ever stops.
Are you making the claim that “guilt, shame, regret or remorse” are all the same thing?
Could you provide a biblical reference to “shame” specifically and / or examples of how Jesus used “shame” as a motivator?
I would think Peter felt ashamed when Jesus called him Satan.
Guilt, shame, regret and remorse are not exactly the same thing but they are linked. Regret is brought about a desire to “do over” some behavior that occurred in the past. It’s wishing for a different history. People don’t usually regret behavior they believe to be good.
The Biblical example that I usually reference is in the book of Acts, chapter 2. Peter stands up and tells the people about this Jesus whom they had crucified. When they heard the truth, they were “cut to the heart”.
That is the same message for you and me. Our sin killed Jesus. The feeling of being “cut to the heart” is guilt, shame, regret, or remorse. It is the anguish in our spirit that causes us to cry out, “What can we do?”