Worship Those Congressional Celebrities
I’ve seen you post about the new Supreme Court justice appointee as if she’s a member of your family. I’m grateful to be distracted by more important things like the number of nightcrawlers on the sidewalk in front of my house. As you open your mouth to say, “John, you jerk! You felt differently when […]
Which News Source Is Your Salvation?
Are you going to align yourself with the lies of Fox News, the deceptions of MSNBC, or the corruption of CNN? If you’re a Christian, your preferred source of propaganda matters far more than your theology. Nobody cares what you believe about atonement, repentance, holiness, or the Sermon on the Mount. Everybody cares what you […]
How I Know We’re In Trouble
I had an idea when I heard that the University of Pennsylvania let Lia Thomas participate on the women’s swim team. According to regressive nitwits who cling to the superstitious beliefs of biological gender, Thomas is not a woman. As one of those regressive nitwits, I suggested swim teams add a trans-human (dolphin that identifies […]
Maybe Stick to Comedy
“Stay in your lane, John Branyan! You’re supposed to be funny! Just stick to comedy!” I hear this almost every time I write about anything that isn’t self deprecating (that means, I’m not making fun of myself). You seem to think comedians are only allowed to comment on things like fashion, airplane food, or the […]
Never Trust Preachers You Can’t Criticize
Mike Winger teaches bible stuff on his YouTube channel. He’s not afraid to cover difficult or controversial topics. Among Mike’s MANY MANY MANY videos on various subjects, there is a critique of one of Joel Osteen’s sermons. The video has gotten a lot of views and the Lakewood Church (where Osteen operates) has filed a […]
Just Say Nothing
I know you think the most important thing a Christian can do is get along with everybody. The primary commandment according to popular theologians is, “Be nice.” You’ve internalized the dogma that, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” However, in your efforts to accommodate every depraved doctrine […]
Easter Wishes
According to the postcards arriving daily in my mailbox from your church, it’s almost Easter time! This is the one of two times during the year when I spend time thinking about which church I’m going to sit in judgment over. Lots of churches want me to attend their service so you have tons of […]
My Official Position on Bullies
Whenever I mention my outrageous belief that people should be taught how to handle verbal assault, somebody accuses me of being ‘pro-bullying.’ “John, you jerk!” they say. “You think it’s okay to abuse children! You support beating kids with tennis rackets and burning them with sparklers! How can you call yourself a Christian?!! The fruit […]
Fruit of The Spirit at The Oscars
I’m truly not interested in hearing that you don’t watch the Oscars. Refusing to watch a bunch of self-important hypocrites give awards to each other doesn’t require any sacrifice on your part. It’s easy to ignore things that don’t interest you. I’ve never watched an awards show ever, but that’s not something that deserves recognition. […]
What Kind of Extremist Are You?
Religious extremist!!! Those words send a chill down my spine. The ‘extremist’ label can end my career, destroy my credibility, and ostracize me from society. Extremists are bad news when they’re the ‘religious’ kind because our society is chock full of ‘non-religious’ extremists who wouldn’t recognize hypocrisy if it was an octopus in their toilet. […]