Honestly Dishonest
Whenever I say, “Be completely honest with me.” …I’m not being completely honest. I despise honesty. No. I take that back. I despise being honest. However, I demand honesty in others. As long as it lines up with what I believe. When I say, “Tell me what you think about this.” …I mean, “Tell me […]
Send In MORE Clowns
Awhile back, there was some worry that we might run out of clowns. The people who study clown population (I’m sure those people must exist) were concerned that clowns might become extinct or at least their numbers would dwindle to the point that there wouldn’t be enough faces to target with pies and seltzer bottles. […]
How To Know If You’re Male
This short questionnaire will help you determine your gender. Give yourself one point for every ‘YES’ answer to the following questions: Have you ever… Used a dangerously sharp object to scratch an itch inside your ear? Lit a gas grill with the lid down? Counseled a child to “not do what I just did with […]
A Vanilla Explanation
I discovered a melted ice cream cone on the sidewalk. A friend suggested that some poor soul had dropped it there. “You’re a simpleton,” I retorted smugly. I’m well versed in the arguments for the origins of Sidewalk Ice Cream. Skepticism is my strong suit. I relish every opportunity to showcase my talent. “Where is […]
Civil Discourse is SOOOOO Boring
Remember when Ken Ham debated Bill Nye about Creationism? I do! It changed my mind hearing those two fundamentalists say words into microphones. After that debate, I realized that debates are useless. If I had a chance to sit down with Bill Nye and Ken Ham, I would lovingly tell them the truth: “We don’t […]
Phobic
The people who don’t belong to God are never right about anything. They get simple concepts mixed-up. For example, they don’t understand the concept of ‘fear.’ They think I’m opposed to evil because I have a phobia. They think I’m afraid of sinners. I’m told that I’m, ‘homo-phobic’ because I believe homosexuality is a sin. […]
Still Don’t Know My Gender
Facebook recently expanded the list of gender options for we humans. And it’s about time! We’ve lived long enough in the uncertainty of male/female delineation. There are currently 58 gender options. I expect this number will go up as other gender groups express outrage at being overlooked. I perused the list to make sure that […]
I Don’t Like Christianity
But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15 I don’t like Christianity. Not all of it, anyway. There are good parts like the Son of God coming down from Heaven and taking the blame […]
Is it Right or Wrong to Say This?
When you’re quotable, people quote you. Even when what you say is rubbish. You can quote me on that. H.L. Mencken is quotable and here’s something he said: Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what […]
You Ain’t Funny
If you don’t have any critics, you’re not doing anything.