Statue Converts Entire State of Maryland to Christianity
The Supreme Court ruled that a 100 year old war memorial will be allowed to stand on public property in Maryland. The memorial is a 40-foot concrete cross and, according to the American Humanist Association, turns people into Christians against their will. “I didn’t want to be a Christian,” said a local grocer who asked […]
Who Wants A Wooden Friend?
One of my best friends is wooden. He’s less than half an inch tall. I carry him around in my pocket so he’s always available when I need him. And I need him almost every single day. I call him BB which is short for “Blame Buddy”. When something bad happens that is absolutely my […]
Beginner’s Guide to Stupidity
Everyone struggles to shed their belief in Santa Claus. In your childhood, flying reindeer and elf-powered toy factories seem plausible. Then, you grew-up and recognized the problems inherent in the One Guy and A Sleigh Distribution System . You cast Santa aside in favor of more rational theories to explain the arrival of Christmas gifts. […]
A Cure for Loneliness
A friend told me she feels lonely – while she’s with me. I’m literally sitting right in front of her, talking to her, and she’s telling me she feels alone. It stings when somebody denies your existence. I don’t know how to be “more there”. I started marching around the room, banging on a metal […]
Extended Vacation Episode – From The Cottages
This episode was recorded at our vacation retreat and features virtually everyone from the family (including dozens of kid cameos). We cover everything from scary movies, boats and alternative ways to roast marshmallows. We grill some burgers and I explain the meaning behind an old adage! Luke offers S’more cautions. Shout-outs pending. Talk about eating […]
Extended Vacation Episode – From The Cottages
This episode was recorded at our vacation retreat and features virtually everyone from the family (including dozens of kid cameos). We cover everything from scary movies, boats and alternative ways to roast marshmallows. We grill some burgers and I explain the meaning behind an old adage! Luke offers S’more cautions. Shout-outs pending. Talk about eating […]
The World’s Greatest Fly Swatter
Recently, I purchased an original Picasso. I needed it because we were overrun with spiders in the house. They were crawling up the drapes and across the ceiling. They were lowering themselves into our cereal bowls like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. I don’t mind infrequent spider viewings in the house but when I start […]
Battery Savior, Trump Triggers and Theremin Therapy
I saved an open mic with my quick thinking and selfless attitude. The Peaches tries to take credit for it though. We discuss Trump triggering everyone and a possible title for my new book!
Battery Savior, Trump Triggers and Theremin Therapy
I saved an open mic with my quick thinking and selfless attitude. The Peaches tries to take credit for it though. We discuss Trump triggering everyone and a possible title for my new book!
Be Proud of Me
It’s Pride Month! Hooray! A whole month dedicated to making a big deal of insignificant personal preferences! I wasn’t able to pull together a parade, festival, or rally but that hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm one little bit. Pay attention while I brag about my petty penchants. I like my couch. It’s better than the other […]