Submit to Your Lousy Husband
Wives obey your husbands! Did you know that right before 1 Peter 3:7 there are verses 5 and 6? It’s true! Don’t take my word for it. (Never take my word for it. Always check to make sure I’m telling the truth.) Look it up yourself. “For this is the way the holy women of […]
Where Can A Ghoul Find Love?
This post contains satire which I have marked with ‘—’ for those who need assistance recognizing it. (Also, this post is NOT about Donald Trump.) These are some quotes from an actual article written by someone who identifies as a woman but is actually a ghoul. “I used to be quiet about the fact that […]
Who Knew Hefner Was Sinful?
As A&E releases a documentary about the things that took place behind closed doors at Hugh Hefner’s mansion, I have a question for the ladies: Do you really need to see a documentary to tell you what happened inside Hefner’s house? That’s not a rhetorical question. If you are completely ignorant about the ‘Playboy’ empire, […]
Are There Any Good Female Comics?
An actual question I’ve been asked more than once is, “Are there any good female comedians?” Because I don’t want to offend anyone, I always respond, “What do you mean by female?” Most people live happy lives without contemplating the gender of people who make them laugh. The majority of the population can enjoy a […]
Jenner Should Be Quiet
I’ve got a question for all you rowdy, pro-family, Christian-value, conservatives. Do you remember when Caitlyn Jenner was on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine? I do! And I remember that you weren’t cheering about it. As I recall, you were NOT sold out to the idea that men become women via hormone treatment and […]
God Kills Everyone
I’ve noticed that when people who claim there is no God talk about death, they always reference innocent children. They ONLY reference innocent children. It didn’t upset the heathen when Osama Bin Laden was killed. None of them asked, “How can a loving God stand-by and allow brutal terrorists to die?” But when a child dies, God […]
I Hope He Stays
One of the best ways to be continually unhappy is to think of relationships as random events, like meteor strikes or UFO sightings. When you think falling in love is like hitting the lottery, you’re in a perfect state of mind to get your heart broken. Crossing your fingers and hoping the guy you love […]
Presidents Shouldn’t Have To Care
This will be an unpopular take! All you folks looking for quotes that prove I’m a heartless villain with zero empathy, get ready to take some screen shots! Whenever the President of the United States visits the site of a local disaster, I’m suspicious that he wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t the President. And […]
The Murderer Is Responsible
Recently, I heard someone say this: “My parents are too old to contribute anything of value to society. Caring for them is expensive and has become a full-time job. It’s not fair that I be burdened with the responsibility. I’m in the prime of life! So, I’ve decided to kill my parents. Unless you’re willing […]
Ill Gotten Gain
My employer should decide how much to pay me. If I am allowed to dictate my wages, I’ll treat my employer unfairly. I won’t think about the employer’s obligations to pay the other employees. I won’t think about the other expenses, the taxes, or the hours of work required to operate a business. I’ll think […]