What A Fool Says
The fool says in his heart , “There is no God.” I had an online conversation with a fool recently. This fool’s position is…”there is no evidence at all for Jesus Christ!” This is a claim worthy of a world-class fool since it’s absurd to the point of comical. It started innocently enough. The December […]
Thanks For Nothing
I handed my money to the toll booth lady. As I pulled away I said, “Thank you.” …and couldn’t stop thinking about that. Our encounter left me three dollars poorer. …and I had to wait in line to fork over the money. She did raise the little gate and let me pass. But she’s obligated to […]
Rich Christians Suck
Have you heard the one about the televangelists and their planes? Two super-rich preachers having a conversation about how a private jet can improve your prayer life. It’s hilarious! Until you realize they’re not joking. As it slowly dawned on me that they were serious… …a cringe crept over my entire body. …mere mortals cannot […]
You're An F'ing Idiot
(Inspired by a conversation overheard at McDonald’s) There are many hundreds of English language adjectives. There’s no excuse for just using one. Especially when your chosen word isn’t even an adjective. It’s either a vulgar verb or plebeian noun. To overuse an actual adjective would make you sound like a moron. “Good!” What’s the matter? […]
No. There's No Plank In My Eye.
“Don’t judge” is what you say when you don’t have anything useful to contribute.
Your Excellent Worship Isn't
“Come! Let us worship the Lord together!” And the band launches into a lively riff. The song leader steps up to the microphone. His voice rings out. It’s amazing! As the music swells, I’m overwhelmed by one thought: …”This band ought to produce a CD!” …Luckily, they’re on iTunes. I can’t make out the words […]
Be Merry! Smell This!
It is a well-established tradition in America. Christmas means Bigfoot. And when you think of Bigfoot… …you think of personal hygiene. So Dr. Squatch Soap is the ideal yuletide gift. And I have some to give away: This is my favorite soap. (I didn’t even HAVE a favorite soap until Dr. Squatch.) Not just because […]
How to Know If You're Weak
So this happened in my beloved home state. (Special thanks to my son-in-law for calling it to my attention and giving me an early Christmas gift of cynicism.) The gist of the article is the Freedom From Religion people… …brought legal action against Concord High School… …for trying to include a nativity scene in the […]
How To Coldcock A Lady
The weekly meeting of the “Old Lady Bludgeoning Club” will come to order. The Secretary will read the club’s mission statement. “The OLBC exists to promote good will toward fellow members. Also to pummel old ladies wherever they’re found.” Thank you, Mr. Secretary. We recently received a complaint from a non-member that warrants the club’s […]
No Judgement Here
I know how much it bothers you to be judged. So I’m not going to do it. I haven’t lived your life. I’ve not drunk from the fountain of your experience. I’ve never swung from the limbs of your consciousness tree. I’ve never cashed a reality check at your bank of moral perspective. I get […]