You Are Not A Salmon
If you’re stuck in a horrible job at a horrible company controlled by horrible people who do horrible things, I have wonderful news! You are not a salmon. Salmon are programmed by God to live a horrible life. When mating season rolls around, Salmon swim thousands of miles to their place of birth. They swim […]
New Year Every Day
…Another reason I don’t like New Year’s resolutions is they overemphasize the importance of a ‘new year.’ The ritual makes it seem like a fresh start happens once every three hundred and sixty five days. According to scripture, we can get a fresh start anytime. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just […]
Minimum Generosity
When you share a Kit-Kat with a friend, you must break off one quarter of the bar to comply with the Minimum Chocolate amount. When you say ‘Hello’ to another person you must also give that person a hug lasting for at least 3 seconds. This is the Minimum Greeting required by law. When you […]
Paganism of Veganism
One of the pagan myths that is generally believed by Christians is that people are animals. Starting in Kindergarten, the public school indoctrinated you to believe that humans belong to the group of creatures called, “Mammals.” Pagans lump humans together with all the animals that bear live young and have body hair. We don’t protest […]
Drag Queen Preacher Fired
This happened in my home state where there is traditionally nothing going on that’s important enough to bother landing a plane. Just fly over Indiana. You won’t miss a thing! Surprise, everybody! An LGBTQ+ friendly pastor dressed in drag for an episode of one of HBO’s depraved programs and got fired for it. Suddenly, Indiana […]
A Tale of A Few Kitties
Once upon a time there was a mother cat who gave birth to a litter of 5 kittens. The mother had gray fur and the father’s fur was unknown since Mama was known to many different Tomcats but that didn’t make her a whore! She was a free-spirt who shared love easily so don’t you […]
Merry Christmas You Special Person
One of the things about Jesus birth that often gets emphasized is that he was placed in a manger. That’s where animal food usually goes. The point is often made that Jesus arrived in the humble surroundings of a lowly barn. How humiliating. Honestly, Jesus birth would have been a humiliating event no matter where […]
White Doesn’t Look Black
DISCLAIMER: I identify as a “white, cis-gender male” and therefore, my life is problem free. I know that my opinions are undeserving of any attention and this simple act of self expression will cause harm to marginalized people. If you are a member of ANY oppressed people group, you should ignore my self-centered rant. I’ll […]
People Are Not Animals
I recently commented in a vegan group and accidentally unleashed a flood of animal rights propaganda into my Facebook feed. Before the surge, I was aware of the anti-carnivore movement but viewing the propaganda has helped me better appreciate the awful consequences of worshiping creation instead of the Creator. There may be a handful of […]
Don’t Buy The Saddle
For the meager sum of $100,000 bucks, you can own a dragon saddle! One size fits all. For the rest of your life, you’ll be able to safely ride any dragon, wyvern, or firedrake. The saddle comes with instructions and a 1-year warranty against breakage. How many do you want? Wait! Before you answer! Let […]