Where Do You Want Punched?
In fourth grade, a classmate asked me, “Would you rather have a punch in the nose or a punch in the eye?” I answered, “Neither.” …so the kid punched me in the stomach. This year we’re going to be asked, “Do you want Hillary or Trump as President?” If we answer, “Neither”… …We get hit […]
Super Somber Bowl
The 50th Super Bowl is over. How is it possible? After… …wearing jerseys and cheering until our throats burned …eating our collective weight in chicken wings …drinking gallons of [insert name brand beverage] …burning images of puppy monkey baby into our subconscious …believing in love (the gay kind) …acknowledging that we’re a country full of racists […]
Vote For The One Who Bugs Ya
Ted Cruz bugs me. Sure, Rush. Sure. But… His campaign sends me emails designed to make me believe he knows I’m alive. “Hello John, In my staff meeting today, your name came up…” My name came up in Ted’s staff meeting! Wonder what that looked like: Ted: We’ve got serious cash shortfalls. Who’s on top […]
Of Course I'm Right, I'm A Pastor!
The title ‘Pastor’ does not imbue your opinions with extra spiritual importance. You can be wrong about stuff… …Even if you’ve preached at Liberty University! There are some philosophical problems with your blog. I want to discuss them with you. But I don’t want my method to become the topic of conversation. You said: “I am […]
For Christ's Sake We're Better Than You
“We had 900 people at church today!” Why are you telling me? “So you can celebrate with us!” What are we celebrating? “The mighty work that God is doing in our church!” We had 90 people at our church today. “That’s great!” Not as great as 900. “It’s not about numbers!” Then why did you […]
Holy Useless
Paul said this to Timothy: “ Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.” (2nd Timothy 14-15) Easy for Paul to say. He was writing comfortably from a prison cell. […]
Might As Well Trump
I like Donald Trump. I think he’ll make a terrible President. Really. He’ll be awful. So what? We’ve had almost 20 years of terrible Presidents. Terrible is standard White House protocol. Hillary will be a terrible President. Bernie Sanders will be a terrible President. A Trump presidency will be a disaster too. Unlike all […]
What A Fool Says
The fool says in his heart , “There is no God.” I had an online conversation with a fool recently. This fool’s position is…”there is no evidence at all for Jesus Christ!” This is a claim worthy of a world-class fool since it’s absurd to the point of comical. It started innocently enough. The December […]
Thanks For Nothing
I handed my money to the toll booth lady. As I pulled away I said, “Thank you.” …and couldn’t stop thinking about that. Our encounter left me three dollars poorer. …and I had to wait in line to fork over the money. She did raise the little gate and let me pass. But she’s obligated to […]
Rich Christians Suck
Have you heard the one about the televangelists and their planes? Two super-rich preachers having a conversation about how a private jet can improve your prayer life. It’s hilarious! Until you realize they’re not joking. As it slowly dawned on me that they were serious… …a cringe crept over my entire body. …mere mortals cannot […]