Hell's Tourism
In a recent conversation someone told me, “We were on the vacation from Hell.” I have no sympathy for these people. Who buys a vacation package from Hell? From what I’ve read, …the business model rates very low in customer satisfaction. Probably because it’s a tough place to be employed. Eternal fire with worms that never die […]
Misplaced Celebration
Why do I get so much attention on my birthday? I had very little to do with my nascence. Don’t remember any of it. I’ve heard stories though. Apparently, I was uncooperative. Disrespectful of everyone’s time. I dawdled. Evicting me required my dear mother to incorporate painful contractions. In short, my behavior was childish. So what’s with the […]
Caucasian Apology
Recently posted an article on the subject of white privilege. Not surprisingly I missed the whole point. That’s what a friend of mine told me. He’s a pastor in a large church. And he has black people on staff. So if he says I missed the point, I did. The point was that teaching values […]
Picture Present
Formula for being an idiot: 1 part ego + 2 parts assumptions + a pinch of narcissism It was almost the end of a week long cruise. I had performed several times aboard the ship. Virtually every passenger recognized me as ‘the comedian’. Seated on deck in front of a shop in Ketchikan, Alaska I was […]
You Are Using These Words Wrong
Long ago, words were useful for communicating ideas. Not anymore. And it’s your fault. You assume that words have the same meaning as they did prior to 2008. You’re wrong. (‘Wrong’ still means what it used to…) Below is a helpful glossary. These are current definitions. —- President of the United States: Elected official with the […]
Hot Cars
It’s on the news almost every day. And unless news sources are just interested in sensationalism and shock value to get ratings and sell advertising It must be true! People don’t know that children shouldn’t be locked in a hot car! Headlines are glutted with this important, parental message. So there isn’t room for other […]
Mr and Mrs Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson got married. What’s the groom’s name? Doesn’t matter. He’s “the guy who married Jessica Simpson”. Upgraded from “the guy who’s been living with Jessica Simpson”. An addendum to “the guy who fathered two of Jessica Simpson’s kids”. You can look up his name if you want to know it. But why bother? The important […]
Benefit of Oblivious
The most powerful force on Earth is stupidity. Morons are the mightiest beings among us. TSA Precheck. It speeds up the process of going through airport security. It’s great. Or, it was great. But then… Morons. There is a qualification process that enables you to use the TSA Precheck line. … A ‘Precheck’ if […]
2nd Hand Death
It kills! Millions die every year! It says so on a billboard. So I’m sure it’s true. Still, I wonder… How do we know? Vending machines kill 13 people every year. I believe it. Wouldn’t take a forensic expert to make that call. “We found him squashed under the candy machine.” Obviously, vending machine killed […]
Noble Ambivalence
The memes have spoken! This one: This one: And this one, a quote from God Himself… But my favorite is probably this one: Okay, memes, message received. Don’t judge people because I don’t know their story. I haven’t walked in their shoes Sorry! I’m assuming they wear shoes. I’m being […]