Tolerate Horror
I don’t think everyone knows what ‘tolerate’ means. Tolerance is allowing morons to live freely among us. Intolerance is telling me I can’t call a moron, ‘a moron’. There’s a difference between tolerance and acquiescence. I will tolerate you not knowing what acquiesce means. I acquiesce that many of you won’t bother to look it up. […]
Pocket Privilege
I don’t want to take blessings for granted. So I appreciate articles like the one I read awhile back from a famous pastor entitled, “More on Ferguson and White Privilege.” It was articles like this that helped our country cast aside all the progress we’ve made eliminating racism and dedicate our energies on solving problems […]
Ball Recall
Several years ago, I got a letter that probably saved my life. Thanks to the efforts of some governmental agency, Buckyballs were banned in the United States. What are Buckyballs? They are little, spherical magnets. They can be stuck together into interesting shapes. And… they’re the most lethal, metal objects invented since the Guillotine. Here is […]
Dead Headlines
YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW THIS ENDS Once upon a time there were creatures called ‘Journalists’. At the top of their stories, journalists wrote ‘headlines’. Which hinted at what the story was about. Then the internet came along. Now, headlines don’t summarize stories at all. Instead, they are written to pique curiosity. Journalists won’t tell me what the […]
Color Me Racist
No white. Coincidence? Not likely… Gonna try something today. It’s a popular method of attracting attention. Gonna take a shot at being offended. Bear with me. It’s my first time. Here we go… Benjamin Moore paint company is racist! They have paint named “Eggshell White” As a white man, I’m outraged. It offends me to have my […]
Sense Extinction
Father knows best. Ha! Ha! Just kidding! Father knows nothing. Mother knows a bit more. But the wisest among us are surely the children. Babies know whether they’re boys or girls, …or something else. No matter what the doctor wrote on the birth certificate. A medical degree doesn’t make one an authority on gender. Kids know best. […]
For Love of Unicorns
I’ve never seen a live unicorn. Not saying they don’t exist. Relax, Bronies. I’ve just never seen one. Never seen a three year old child with low self esteem. Not saying they don’t exist. Wait. Yes, I am. Someone posted a picture of a three year old girl with a caption underneath that read: “At three, […]
Virgin Colors
It’s time to surrender white wedding dresses. White once signified virginal purity. A bride in white was a vessel of vestal innocence. This antiquated idea desperately needs modernization. Modern brides walk down the aisle in their 3rd trimester of pregnancy. They have their daughters serve as flower girls. Their sons are ring bearers… …or groomsmen. […]
Humiliating Truth
For the record, I don’t take it personally when my shirt is buttoned crooked, my shoe is untied, or my fly is open. Apparently, that makes me odd. More than once, I’ve had someone tell me, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but your fly is open.” After I zip up, the person sheepishly […]
Sensitive to My Insensitivity
Those cosmetic catalogs that come in the mail, I don’t read those. Not because cosmetics are bad. Or because I’m against eye shadow. I’m not afraid of mascara. I harbor no hatred for makeup. I’m simply disinterested. That’s it. I don’t use makeup. Never even think about it. Except for when I’m throwing away those […]